eyescar: ๐Ÿฏ anime (pic#16897172)
yuji "old man whisperer" itadori. ([personal profile] eyescar) wrote2011-04-22 10:50 pm
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 041)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-04-30 08:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The silence should be enough of an indicator for Suguru that maybe Yuji isn't in any condition to say yes or no, and it might be best for Suguru to walk away, rather than invade the boy's privacy. But he can'tโ€” leave it while Yuji thinks Suguru wants him gone.

He'll just... say what he has to say, and if Yuji still wants to leave, then at least Suguru will know.

Quietly and carefully, Suguru opens Yuji's bedroom door. He takes stock of the belongings strewn about, Yuji's open closet, the ripped bag, before he finally sees Yuji on the floor by the bed. Curled up and trembling, looking painfully small and vulnerable for a boy who could snap Suguru's ropes by flexing hard enough. It fucking aches to see him there. ]


Oh, Yuji...

[ Sighing, Suguru approaches the bed, lowering himself onto the floor near Yuji โ€“ but once again, not presuming to touch him, grab him, or force him to look at Suguru. A little awkward, none of their usual easy rapport, but Suguru is determined.

If Yuji tells him to go, Suguru will listen. But if Yuji is willing to grant him the space to speak, Suguru feels so strongly that he needs to. Suguru once again has to resist the urge to gather the submissive into his arms and instantly soothe him, and his fingers nearly tingle with how badly he wants to reach out. ]


You know, I didn't realize how long you've been here. I didn't even realize it was getting close to six months because I stopped counting the weeks ages ago.

[ Which is his fault, as the one with the arbitrary deadline. ]

I usually establish expectations early with my submissives about timelines, but I was so happy with you that I didn't even think about the amount of time passing. I should have been more considerate of you in the first place, so I'm sorry that I caught you by surprise.

But I also should have told you as soon as I knew I wanted you to stay.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 134)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-04-30 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Yuji.

[ Suguru finally speaks over him, cutting him off as he reaches out to set a hand on top of Yuji's head. Still so soft, still so gentle, not grabbing his hair or trying to correct him. ]

I'm trying to tell you that I don't want you to go. [ Is he not being clear? He can't exactly fault Yuji, after Suguru has been as transparent as concrete with his own feelings, but Suguru is trying to dig into this moment, trying to make himself understood. ]

I want you to stay, Yuji. Here, with me.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 126)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-04-30 09:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Suguru shakes his head as his other hand reaches out, gently brushing away the mess of tears on Yuji's cheeks. ]

I wasโ€” [ He sighs, searching for the words. ]

I was being an idiot. [ Also true. ] I was too preoccupied with my personal garbage to get out of my own way.

And... [ This one is harder to admit, if only because he so often doesn't consider this aspect. ] I was protecting my heart by sacrificing yours. I don't... know what it's like to feel this way about someone. [ Not anymore. ] But instead of trying, I avoided acknowledging my own feelings until it... hurt you.

So I'm sorry for that, too.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 042)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-04-30 10:08 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's not surprising that Yuji is so confused โ€“ Suguru is, too. He's never experienced this as an adult, never cared enough about someone else to even think about keeping them, and for Yuji to so completely scale his inner walls and make himself at home in Suguru's heart? Suguru had no way to prepare for that, and so he just didn't. But instead of taking the time to piece together his feelings and swallow the threat of rejection โ€“ no matter how small it might have been with such a perfect, smitten boy โ€“ Suguru rejected Yuji first.

He needs to repair that.

Suguru's palm fits the curve of Yuji's cheek perfectly, and though his touch is soft, his voice is firm. ]


Listen to me and hear me, Yuji. You are and always have been good enough. What you've been through and the dominants in your life have never determined your value โ€“ in the same way they could never diminish it, either.

You were always more than good enough for me, Yuji, and I can't do anything but love you for it.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 068)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-01 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
[ Suguru's nod is emphatic and immediate. No hesitation, no thought needed to confirm that of course, it's okay. ]

Yes. Of course, yes. [ In fact, hearing Yuji say that fills Suguru's chest with an effervescent warmth so powerful, it leaves Suguru breathless. He shifts closer to Yuji, a crooked tilt gracing his lips now โ€“ nothing like the performative smiles that keep everyone at a distance. ]

It's hard for me to remember what falling in love feels like, but I think it's something like this. [ And he's trying to remember how this dance works, how to let himself feel it, instead of losing it beneath the shadow of his grief. ]

Is it all right if it takes me time to figure myself out, too? [ Without a deadline or an impending departure. He wouldn't be here with Yuji if he wasn't already sure. ] I know that I want you and I want this, but I'm...

[ Hmm, how to put this? ]

... my own kind of damaged.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ™ 143)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-01 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The relief Suguru feels is like a soft blanket wrapped around his shoulders. (He spent so many years determined to never let anyone close enough to lay eyes on the parts of himself he finds objectionable, that he thinks make him ill-suited to loving and being loved. But he's also never met someone who's given him enough of a sense of peace and acceptance that it felt easy just to try.)

There's no more hesitation in Suguru's touch as he reaches out to Yuji, drawing the submissive into his lap and the protective circle of Suguru's broad shoulders, his strong arms. ]


This will be your home as long as you will have it. [ An effortless promise as Suguru bends to kiss away the tears on his sweet boy's face. ]

You will always be safe here, and you will always have a place with me.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 134)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-01 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Suguru takes Yuji's weight without a second thought, arms winding around his waist and holding him so perfectly close. Kissing Yuji for the first time in a week feels like coming home again, like kicking off his shoes to sink into the familiarity of a beloved space after too long away. Suguru kisses Yuji with all the affection that's bloomed in the months that he's had this submissive at his side, poured into him โ€“ but without any domineering claim or punishing edge for the time apart. Sweetly, the way he hasn't kissed anyone in over a decade.

Suguru threads fingers in the short crop of Yuji's darker hair, cradling the curve of his skull to hold the submissive even closer. He doesn't let go of Yuji when they finally part to breathe, and he sighs with pure contentment. ]


I missed hearing you say my name. [ Because Suguru-san isn't the same. ]
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 112)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-01 09:04 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Suguru understands, completely, and the tiniest part of him continues to naggingly wonder if that wasn't the right move on Yuji's part, butโ€” Nothing is different now than it was a week ago, in Suguru's mind; he feels the same fondness, the same affection and adoration, but now the final deadline isn't even an option. He hadn't been thinking about it, hadn't even realized how closely it was approaching, but now knowing that Yuji is staying?

There's a freedom in that, too.

He returns those kisses with ease, smiling into Yuji's lips. His other hand sweeps over Yuji's back, touching everywhere he can reach to remind himself of how real and solid Yuji feels. (And alive. Fucking alive.) ]


I love you, too. [ Oh, that's the first time saying it out loud to another person in... who knows how long. ]

I should have figured that out sooner.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 040)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-01 09:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Loving Yuji was never really the question. Suguru just doesn't know if his love is enough โ€“ if it shines out from under that anger and sadness and resentment for the world they live in. But he's never so much as tried before.

Suguru nuzzles his smile into Yuji's hair as the submissive hides his face and the charming pink coloring his cheeks. It's cute to see Yuji so happy, and he revels in how it feels to have Yuji against him; it should be more embarrassing to him to react so strongly after only going a week without Yuji, but he can't help it.

He might hate the world, but he doesn't hate that it brought him to Yuji.

And since Yuji likes hearing it so much...

Suguru kisses Yuji's pulse behind his ear, giving a low hum.]


I love you~ [ It sounds different when he's teasing Yuji, but no less sincere or heartfelt. Just... Suguru being Suguru. ]
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 042)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-02 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Suguru is mildly taken aback by how freely and eagerly Yuji kisses him, how he seems to be allowing himself to want โ€“ and Suguru wants to give it to him, whatever his heart desires.

Kissing on the floor is probably not their best option, but Suguru doesn't care enough to disrupt the moment, the closeness. He has Yuji in his lap, right where Suguru needs him to be. ]


Your Suguru. [ So easy to say now. ]

And your Daddy.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 064)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-02 06:09 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Suguru hums, nodding in immediate agreement. ]

I missed it, too. But it's not the only thing I missed. [ In case Yuji had any concerns that Suguru's motivations were less heartfelt.

He turns his head to catch Yuji's lips again, letting the kiss linger, the tease of tongue before drawing back, resting his forehead against Yuji's. ]


I missed taking care of you.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 106)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-02 06:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Ah, he's glad Yuji could see that, even through his anger. Suguru never once thought about retracting his care or consideration when Yuji put that wall up between them; instead, he left little offerings at the gate, waiting to see if Yuji would open up again.

Suguru is so glad that he did. ]


I was certainly trying. [ Even if he didn't love Yuji, he still would have been Suguru's responsibility, and Suguru would have honored that. ]

You deserve that care, Yuji.
summerfoil: (๐ŸŒ‘ 032)

[personal profile] summerfoil 2024-05-02 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Then I'll just have to help remind you while you try.

[ Easy! Suguru has no qualms doting on Yuji or peppering him with sweet affection and reminders of his worth. After Yuji spent so many years going without, Suguru finds he's eager to provide.

Shifting his arms around Yuji, Suguru rearranges him in his lap until he can slide an arm under Yuji's knees and the other behind his back before hauling the boy up, princess-style. With Yuji in his arms, Suguru gets his knees beneath him, then levers himself up to his feet. Apparently, this is what all that weight-lifting was preparing him for: carrying his cute-but-dense boyfriend around. ]


There we go. [ He presses a warm kiss to Yuji's cheek. ]

Let's go somewhere more comfortable than the floor, hm? [ Even if it's just to the couch. ]

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