[ Ah, he's glad Yuji could see that, even through his anger. Suguru never once thought about retracting his care or consideration when Yuji put that wall up between them; instead, he left little offerings at the gate, waiting to see if Yuji would open up again.
Suguru is so glad that he did. ]
I was certainly trying. [ Even if he didn't love Yuji, he still would have been Suguru's responsibility, and Suguru would have honored that. ]
[ It's different from his experiences before, of course, as everything is. With Mahito, bad behaviour would result in a total removal of care, no concern given for his mental or emotional state. Even with their tension and awkwardness with each other, Suguru never treated him like that.
He never hurt him. Not intentionally, at least, and that means a lot to Yuji. ]
Ah, maybe... I'm still working on that sort of thinking.
Then I'll just have to help remind you while you try.
[ Easy! Suguru has no qualms doting on Yuji or peppering him with sweet affection and reminders of his worth. After Yuji spent so many years going without, Suguru finds he's eager to provide.
Shifting his arms around Yuji, Suguru rearranges him in his lap until he can slide an arm under Yuji's knees and the other behind his back before hauling the boy up, princess-style. With Yuji in his arms, Suguru gets his knees beneath him, then levers himself up to his feet. Apparently, this is what all that weight-lifting was preparing him for: carrying his cute-but-dense boyfriend around. ]
There we go. [ He presses a warm kiss to Yuji's cheek. ]
Let's go somewhere more comfortable than the floor, hm? [ Even if it's just to the couch. ]
[ Arms lift to wrap around Geto without him being able to think about it too much, leaning into his body. He feels a little guilty, having the other man carry him around, since he's not exactly light with all his muscle and bulk, but it's not as if his dominant hasn't proved he's strong enough. He works out, he's strong, and Yuji likes that about him.
They're strong enough for each other.
It's so, so easy to sink into his warmth, to tilt his head up and nuzzle as best he can, wanting to curl around him. ]
We could go to the couch... Or your bed, if you wanted, Suguru.
[ Yuji definitely isn't light, but that's one of the things Suguru finds so attractive about him. Strong, muscular, but a softness that's just alluring to Suguru.
With a smile, he kisses the top of Yuji's head. ]
I think I want to stretch you out on my bed and spend some time loving you.
[ Unless Yuji has any complaints.
Suguru heads for his bedroom – where Suguru hasn't managed much sleep in the past week – walking up to Yuji's side of the mattress. Lovingly, he lowers Yuji to the duvet and sets him amongst the pile of pillows. ]
[ It's embarrassing, because this feels like something beyond the contract. Beyond what they had done. Of course Yuji had always felt that sort of bubble of affection, but to have it confirmed like this, to have it offered to him, it feels unreal.
It's something he doesn't think he deserves.
Leaning back in the bed, he gazes up at Suguru with nothing but adoration on his face as he smiles. ]
You can do whatever you want. [ A pause, before he tilts his head - just to make sure. ] Is it 'Suguru' or 'Daddy' right now?
[ Suguru leans over Yuji, palm bracing his weight by the boy's shoulder. His half-up hair falls around them, strands tumbling messily into his face as he smiles down at Yuji. ]
How about just Suguru right now? [ It's the first time in any sort of sexual situation that Suguru is dropping the title; there's always been that defining line of being "Daddy" when they fucked until this point. ]
[ How could Suguru decline such a perfect invitation?
Climbing properly onto the bed, Suguru settles over Yuji to claim his lips in a warm but eager kiss. It's not domineering, not controlling, but – giving. Sharing part of himself that Suguru has kept locked away for so long. Vulnerable intimacy, even if all he's doing right now is kissing Yuji.
Suguru breaks the kiss to sit up on his knees, dragging his shirt over his head and dropping it on the floor. He pauses to appreciate the boy under him, because Yuji looks so good there, blushing, his lips soft and pink and begging to be kissed more. ]
Look at you. [ ... Clearly, a rhetorical statement as he bends over again to resuming kissing Yuji breathless. ]
[ It's easy to steal himself into that kiss, to offer himself without hesitation: there might not be any dynamics going on here, it might not be dominant and submissive, but Yuji will naturally find it easier to let himself sink into Suguru's embrace and follow his lead. It comes to him as instinct, and that fits his designation well.
Trying to find words to speak is impossible, especially not when there's a mouth pressed against his own over and over again, and he groans softly, hands rising to start to explore the older man's chest, to stroke against the flex of his muscles, to chase him and all he is.
[ The thing with Suguru is that leading comes naturally to him. He wants to be in control – of himself, his home, the world around him – but he can't reconcile so much of the systematic enforcement, the exploitation, the abuse of youth and naivety and—
He hates it.
But Suguru doesn't hate this. The easy way he can take Yuji into his arms, give him that direction and purpose and make him feel so safe, so cared for. He had no taste for the intimacy of a dynamic, if only because he didn't think himself capable of such emotional connections anymore, but with Yuji? He wants to give and be everything Yuji needs.
Suguru drinks Yuji's submission like the promise of blissfully fresh water to his parched throat; he accepts it almost joyfully. So much of his dynamics have always carried the inherent fear of what a submissive might actually want versus what they were trained to want, and Suguru has hated living within that undefined space. He doesn't wonder with Yuji, and that is freedom.
Yuji's hands, Yuji's mouth – Suguru can't get enough. He only breaks away again to push at Yuji's clothes, banishing his shirt and bending over the boy again to kiss his chest, his torso, his belly. Suguru's hands tuck into Yuji's waistband, and he straightens to pull pants and briefs both down, helpfully walking back on his knees to let Yuji's legs free. Once everything's been kicked away, Suguru sits back between Yuji's thighs, letting his legs fall open on either side of Suguru. Suguru will get rid of his own sweats shortly, but he takes a moment again to look down at Yuji and the pretty picture he makes. ]
You're gorgeous. [ He sighs the compliment with warmth in his voice, smiling as he leans over again to resume kissing every inch of Yuji's available skin, long black hair falling carelessly around them. ]
[ Being gazed at like this feels a little bit intense, feels utterly overwhelming, and Yuji's not sure what to do with all the attention.
Historically, being stared at usually meant something dangerous in his future, like some kind of ill omen, but that's not true for Suguru. When he looks at Yuji, all Yuji can feel is the intensity of warmth, the wonder of being cared for, of being loved and cherished, and he makes a sharp little sound as he leans back into the bed, letting himself be stripped down to nothing, emotionally and literally.
You can take the dominant title away, but...
One arm moves, covering his eyes, shy and embarrassed, biting his lip hard. When was the last time he had sex for the sake of it, not due to a kink or a scene? He's not sure... ]
Suguru... [ Lifting his head, he breathes out. ] I... Want you to only be looking at me now, okay? I'm just for you, so look at me and no one else.
[ The skew in expectations is understandably disorienting for Yuji, who's spent years learning that any deviation meant danger. But rather than putting Yuji on the spot and expecting him to perform, Suguru is removing the shackles of obligation. Unfamiliar, unusual, and a new branch in the dynamic between them, and Suguru can imagine it leaves Yuji feeling flustered and unsure what to do with himself.
Which Suguru finds adorable.
Hiding his eyes in the crook of his elbow, Suguru glances up from where his lips and tongue map the dips in Yuji's torso, following the lines of musculature to drop a kiss above his navel. Yuji's cock is waiting just below Suguru's chin, within such easy reach for his mouth, but rather than diving in, Suguru just keeps kissing down Yuji's hip, over the jut of bone, the curve of thigh. ]
No one else could hold my attention, Yuji. [ Such an easy, warm promise. ]
I can be terribly greedy with what's mine. [ Suguru chuckles against Yuji's skin, lifting one of the boy's legs as Suguru ducks lower. Lips follow Yuji's inner thigh, licking up the tensing tendons running just below his skin as his dark gaze remains glued to Yuji's face, his heaving chest, the cute hitches in his breathing.
[ In some ways, he thinks the submission is easier: he knows his role and his place there, to follow orders and instructions without hesitation, to find pleasure in not being the one in control. Yuji enjoys it, being on his knees, touching Suguru, offering himself without thinking twice, basking in the excitement of knowing that he will be taken care of. This is something different, beyond all of that, and Yuji has to relearn the rules.
Or, maybe, accept that there are no rules. That's harder.
Each kiss is like a gift, a blessing, soft and warm against his skin, and Yuji tilts his head back to moan gently. He feels so cherished, and even if Suguru hadn't admitted to his love and affection he thinks he'd have suspected, or hoped for it, wanting and desperately letting himself believe - but Suguru had said it. He had been honest about it.
Too well-trained, too practised, Yuji doesn't let his hips roc up or move. He waits, watching, licking his lips. ]
I am. Yours, I'm yours. I'll always be yours.
[ Swallowing, he groans, head pushed to the side and face pressed into the soft duvet of Suguru's bed, where he belongs. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I missed it, too. But it's not the only thing I missed. [ In case Yuji had any concerns that Suguru's motivations were less heartfelt.
He turns his head to catch Yuji's lips again, letting the kiss linger, the tease of tongue before drawing back, resting his forehead against Yuji's. ]
I missed taking care of you.
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You were still taking care of me, even when I was mad.
[ Because Suguru is a good dominant, a good man. ]
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Suguru is so glad that he did. ]
I was certainly trying. [ Even if he didn't love Yuji, he still would have been Suguru's responsibility, and Suguru would have honored that. ]
You deserve that care, Yuji.
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He never hurt him. Not intentionally, at least, and that means a lot to Yuji. ]
Ah, maybe... I'm still working on that sort of thinking.
[ Nuzzling into Suguru's neck, he sighs. ]
no subject
[ Easy! Suguru has no qualms doting on Yuji or peppering him with sweet affection and reminders of his worth. After Yuji spent so many years going without, Suguru finds he's eager to provide.
Shifting his arms around Yuji, Suguru rearranges him in his lap until he can slide an arm under Yuji's knees and the other behind his back before hauling the boy up, princess-style. With Yuji in his arms, Suguru gets his knees beneath him, then levers himself up to his feet. Apparently, this is what all that weight-lifting was preparing him for: carrying his cute-but-dense boyfriend around. ]
There we go. [ He presses a warm kiss to Yuji's cheek. ]
Let's go somewhere more comfortable than the floor, hm? [ Even if it's just to the couch. ]
no subject
[ Arms lift to wrap around Geto without him being able to think about it too much, leaning into his body. He feels a little guilty, having the other man carry him around, since he's not exactly light with all his muscle and bulk, but it's not as if his dominant hasn't proved he's strong enough. He works out, he's strong, and Yuji likes that about him.
They're strong enough for each other.
It's so, so easy to sink into his warmth, to tilt his head up and nuzzle as best he can, wanting to curl around him. ]
We could go to the couch... Or your bed, if you wanted, Suguru.
no subject
With a smile, he kisses the top of Yuji's head. ]
I think I want to stretch you out on my bed and spend some time loving you.
[ Unless Yuji has any complaints.
Suguru heads for his bedroom – where Suguru hasn't managed much sleep in the past week – walking up to Yuji's side of the mattress. Lovingly, he lowers Yuji to the duvet and sets him amongst the pile of pillows. ]
There. That's where you belong.
no subject
[ It's embarrassing, because this feels like something beyond the contract. Beyond what they had done. Of course Yuji had always felt that sort of bubble of affection, but to have it confirmed like this, to have it offered to him, it feels unreal.
It's something he doesn't think he deserves.
Leaning back in the bed, he gazes up at Suguru with nothing but adoration on his face as he smiles. ]
You can do whatever you want. [ A pause, before he tilts his head - just to make sure. ] Is it 'Suguru' or 'Daddy' right now?
no subject
How about just Suguru right now? [ It's the first time in any sort of sexual situation that Suguru is dropping the title; there's always been that defining line of being "Daddy" when they fucked until this point. ]
no subject
Okay... Suguru.
[ Cheeks red, he makes himself comfortable, opening his arms a little. ]
Come and have me.
no subject
Climbing properly onto the bed, Suguru settles over Yuji to claim his lips in a warm but eager kiss. It's not domineering, not controlling, but – giving. Sharing part of himself that Suguru has kept locked away for so long. Vulnerable intimacy, even if all he's doing right now is kissing Yuji.
Suguru breaks the kiss to sit up on his knees, dragging his shirt over his head and dropping it on the floor. He pauses to appreciate the boy under him, because Yuji looks so good there, blushing, his lips soft and pink and begging to be kissed more. ]
Look at you. [ ... Clearly, a rhetorical statement as he bends over again to resuming kissing Yuji breathless. ]
no subject
Trying to find words to speak is impossible, especially not when there's a mouth pressed against his own over and over again, and he groans softly, hands rising to start to explore the older man's chest, to stroke against the flex of his muscles, to chase him and all he is.
It's been too long. Yuji adores him. ]
Suguru... Please.
no subject
He hates it.
But Suguru doesn't hate this. The easy way he can take Yuji into his arms, give him that direction and purpose and make him feel so safe, so cared for. He had no taste for the intimacy of a dynamic, if only because he didn't think himself capable of such emotional connections anymore, but with Yuji? He wants to give and be everything Yuji needs.
Suguru drinks Yuji's submission like the promise of blissfully fresh water to his parched throat; he accepts it almost joyfully. So much of his dynamics have always carried the inherent fear of what a submissive might actually want versus what they were trained to want, and Suguru has hated living within that undefined space. He doesn't wonder with Yuji, and that is freedom.
Yuji's hands, Yuji's mouth – Suguru can't get enough. He only breaks away again to push at Yuji's clothes, banishing his shirt and bending over the boy again to kiss his chest, his torso, his belly. Suguru's hands tuck into Yuji's waistband, and he straightens to pull pants and briefs both down, helpfully walking back on his knees to let Yuji's legs free. Once everything's been kicked away, Suguru sits back between Yuji's thighs, letting his legs fall open on either side of Suguru. Suguru will get rid of his own sweats shortly, but he takes a moment again to look down at Yuji and the pretty picture he makes. ]
You're gorgeous. [ He sighs the compliment with warmth in his voice, smiling as he leans over again to resume kissing every inch of Yuji's available skin, long black hair falling carelessly around them. ]
Perfect, just for me...
no subject
Historically, being stared at usually meant something dangerous in his future, like some kind of ill omen, but that's not true for Suguru. When he looks at Yuji, all Yuji can feel is the intensity of warmth, the wonder of being cared for, of being loved and cherished, and he makes a sharp little sound as he leans back into the bed, letting himself be stripped down to nothing, emotionally and literally.
You can take the dominant title away, but...
One arm moves, covering his eyes, shy and embarrassed, biting his lip hard. When was the last time he had sex for the sake of it, not due to a kink or a scene? He's not sure... ]
Suguru... [ Lifting his head, he breathes out. ] I... Want you to only be looking at me now, okay? I'm just for you, so look at me and no one else.
no subject
Which Suguru finds adorable.
Hiding his eyes in the crook of his elbow, Suguru glances up from where his lips and tongue map the dips in Yuji's torso, following the lines of musculature to drop a kiss above his navel. Yuji's cock is waiting just below Suguru's chin, within such easy reach for his mouth, but rather than diving in, Suguru just keeps kissing down Yuji's hip, over the jut of bone, the curve of thigh. ]
No one else could hold my attention, Yuji. [ Such an easy, warm promise. ]
I can be terribly greedy with what's mine. [ Suguru chuckles against Yuji's skin, lifting one of the boy's legs as Suguru ducks lower. Lips follow Yuji's inner thigh, licking up the tensing tendons running just below his skin as his dark gaze remains glued to Yuji's face, his heaving chest, the cute hitches in his breathing.
Suguru is addicted to it. ]
I can't even take my eyes off you.
no subject
Or, maybe, accept that there are no rules. That's harder.
Each kiss is like a gift, a blessing, soft and warm against his skin, and Yuji tilts his head back to moan gently. He feels so cherished, and even if Suguru hadn't admitted to his love and affection he thinks he'd have suspected, or hoped for it, wanting and desperately letting himself believe - but Suguru had said it. He had been honest about it.
Too well-trained, too practised, Yuji doesn't let his hips roc up or move. He waits, watching, licking his lips. ]
I am. Yours, I'm yours. I'll always be yours.
[ Swallowing, he groans, head pushed to the side and face pressed into the soft duvet of Suguru's bed, where he belongs. ]
I love you.