[ It's really okay to feel that way... Yuji's eyes widen as he stares at the man in front of him, still sticky from his tears and his hurt. He doesn't know if he can believe it that easily, but it makes him yearn a little - shifting forward, he swallows, fingers trailing up the length of Geto's arms before he hesitates.
There's what he's allowed, and there's going too far... What's okay? What is he allowed to do?
What are the rules, now that things have shifted? ]
Something like this is enough for me.
[ Leaning in, he smiles softly, cheeks warm despite his cool tears. ]
I'll wait for you, Suguru. As long as it takes, I don't mind. As long as I can stay here with you, I'll be happy.
[ The relief Suguru feels is like a soft blanket wrapped around his shoulders. (He spent so many years determined to never let anyone close enough to lay eyes on the parts of himself he finds objectionable, that he thinks make him ill-suited to loving and being loved. But he's also never met someone who's given him enough of a sense of peace and acceptance that it felt easy just to try.)
There's no more hesitation in Suguru's touch as he reaches out to Yuji, drawing the submissive into his lap and the protective circle of Suguru's broad shoulders, his strong arms. ]
This will be your home as long as you will have it. [ An effortless promise as Suguru bends to kiss away the tears on his sweet boy's face. ]
You will always be safe here, and you will always have a place with me.
[ Leaning in, Yuji nuzzles into him, pressing soft kisses along Suguru's jaw as he lets himself collapse against his body. He trusts Suguru to keep hold of him, to keep him up, to share strength with him, and he feels his cheeks flaring up intensely, too. It's embarrassing, to confess like this, but at the same time... It worked out for him.
Tilting his head up, he smiles softly, their noses brushing against one another. ]
Sorry, Suguru. I'm going to stay here forever now.
[ With Suguru so close... How can he not kiss him? After barely a week of not kissing him at all he had felt bereft, and he slots their mouths together gently. ]
[ Suguru takes Yuji's weight without a second thought, arms winding around his waist and holding him so perfectly close. Kissing Yuji for the first time in a week feels like coming home again, like kicking off his shoes to sink into the familiarity of a beloved space after too long away. Suguru kisses Yuji with all the affection that's bloomed in the months that he's had this submissive at his side, poured into him – but without any domineering claim or punishing edge for the time apart. Sweetly, the way he hasn't kissed anyone in over a decade.
Suguru threads fingers in the short crop of Yuji's darker hair, cradling the curve of his skull to hold the submissive even closer. He doesn't let go of Yuji when they finally part to breathe, and he sighs with pure contentment. ]
I missed hearing you say my name. [ Because Suguru-san isn't the same. ]
Mm... I was trying to keep distance, since I thought...
[ That Suguru didn't want him, since that is what Suguru had implied. What else would he believe?
This is so much better, shifting his hips forward to lean into Suguru, to nuzzle into his skin and sigh with happiness. He's never felt so content, so happy, and he wants to do so many things that his head feels a little fuzzy with it. Burning with warmth, he tilts his head up and presses another kiss to his dominant's mouth.
It all bubbles up without him being able to control it. ]
I love you, Suguru. I love you so much, I'll tell you every day.
[ Suguru understands, completely, and the tiniest part of him continues to naggingly wonder if that wasn't the right move on Yuji's part, but— Nothing is different now than it was a week ago, in Suguru's mind; he feels the same fondness, the same affection and adoration, but now the final deadline isn't even an option. He hadn't been thinking about it, hadn't even realized how closely it was approaching, but now knowing that Yuji is staying?
There's a freedom in that, too.
He returns those kisses with ease, smiling into Yuji's lips. His other hand sweeps over Yuji's back, touching everywhere he can reach to remind himself of how real and solid Yuji feels. (And alive. Fucking alive.) ]
I love you, too. [ Oh, that's the first time saying it out loud to another person in... who knows how long. ]
[ Suguru says it, so casually, despite his concerns from before, and all Yuji can do is lean back, his eyes widening a little as he stares at the man in front of him. His cheeks are flushed a bright, beautiful red, and he swallows as he gazes up at the man he loves.
He loves him too. He loves him - they love each other! He wiggles a little, before he leans in and shoves his face into Suguru's chest.
It's embarrassing, but it's so nice, too, and he shifts, trying to press their bodies as close together as he can get them. ]
[ Loving Yuji was never really the question. Suguru just doesn't know if his love is enough – if it shines out from under that anger and sadness and resentment for the world they live in. But he's never so much as tried before.
Suguru nuzzles his smile into Yuji's hair as the submissive hides his face and the charming pink coloring his cheeks. It's cute to see Yuji so happy, and he revels in how it feels to have Yuji against him; it should be more embarrassing to him to react so strongly after only going a week without Yuji, but he can't help it.
He might hate the world, but he doesn't hate that it brought him to Yuji.
And since Yuji likes hearing it so much...
Suguru kisses Yuji's pulse behind his ear, giving a low hum.]
I love you~ [ It sounds different when he's teasing Yuji, but no less sincere or heartfelt. Just... Suguru being Suguru. ]
[ Yuji does love him: he loves him so deeply, so wholly, that the notion of giving it up now is a painful one. He simply cannot do it.
Threatening to leave, to pack his things and go, truly imagining that was what the future held - it was enough to break him.
Tilting his head up, Yuji presses their mouths together, this time in a slightly longer, deeper kiss. It's not like him to push so hard, to want so much, but he can't help himself when Suguru is saying he loves him, when Suguru is holding him so gently, when his dominant is letting him settle in his lap like he belongs there. This is what heaven feels like, surely?
Eyes closed, Yuji hums with a soft sound of pleasure. ]
[ Suguru is mildly taken aback by how freely and eagerly Yuji kisses him, how he seems to be allowing himself to want – and Suguru wants to give it to him, whatever his heart desires.
Kissing on the floor is probably not their best option, but Suguru doesn't care enough to disrupt the moment, the closeness. He has Yuji in his lap, right where Suguru needs him to be. ]
[ After weeks of not daring to show just how much he liked Suguru, the chance to let his affection shine through is overwhelming, and he sinks into it immediately, letting himself take and take. It's been a while since they were this close, too, so of course he wants more of it.
Leaning back, eyes flicking up, Yuji can feel his cheeks flush, like rouge on his skin. ]
[ Ah, he's glad Yuji could see that, even through his anger. Suguru never once thought about retracting his care or consideration when Yuji put that wall up between them; instead, he left little offerings at the gate, waiting to see if Yuji would open up again.
Suguru is so glad that he did. ]
I was certainly trying. [ Even if he didn't love Yuji, he still would have been Suguru's responsibility, and Suguru would have honored that. ]
[ It's different from his experiences before, of course, as everything is. With Mahito, bad behaviour would result in a total removal of care, no concern given for his mental or emotional state. Even with their tension and awkwardness with each other, Suguru never treated him like that.
He never hurt him. Not intentionally, at least, and that means a lot to Yuji. ]
Ah, maybe... I'm still working on that sort of thinking.
Then I'll just have to help remind you while you try.
[ Easy! Suguru has no qualms doting on Yuji or peppering him with sweet affection and reminders of his worth. After Yuji spent so many years going without, Suguru finds he's eager to provide.
Shifting his arms around Yuji, Suguru rearranges him in his lap until he can slide an arm under Yuji's knees and the other behind his back before hauling the boy up, princess-style. With Yuji in his arms, Suguru gets his knees beneath him, then levers himself up to his feet. Apparently, this is what all that weight-lifting was preparing him for: carrying his cute-but-dense boyfriend around. ]
There we go. [ He presses a warm kiss to Yuji's cheek. ]
Let's go somewhere more comfortable than the floor, hm? [ Even if it's just to the couch. ]
[ Arms lift to wrap around Geto without him being able to think about it too much, leaning into his body. He feels a little guilty, having the other man carry him around, since he's not exactly light with all his muscle and bulk, but it's not as if his dominant hasn't proved he's strong enough. He works out, he's strong, and Yuji likes that about him.
They're strong enough for each other.
It's so, so easy to sink into his warmth, to tilt his head up and nuzzle as best he can, wanting to curl around him. ]
We could go to the couch... Or your bed, if you wanted, Suguru.
[ Yuji definitely isn't light, but that's one of the things Suguru finds so attractive about him. Strong, muscular, but a softness that's just alluring to Suguru.
With a smile, he kisses the top of Yuji's head. ]
I think I want to stretch you out on my bed and spend some time loving you.
[ Unless Yuji has any complaints.
Suguru heads for his bedroom – where Suguru hasn't managed much sleep in the past week – walking up to Yuji's side of the mattress. Lovingly, he lowers Yuji to the duvet and sets him amongst the pile of pillows. ]
[ It's embarrassing, because this feels like something beyond the contract. Beyond what they had done. Of course Yuji had always felt that sort of bubble of affection, but to have it confirmed like this, to have it offered to him, it feels unreal.
It's something he doesn't think he deserves.
Leaning back in the bed, he gazes up at Suguru with nothing but adoration on his face as he smiles. ]
You can do whatever you want. [ A pause, before he tilts his head - just to make sure. ] Is it 'Suguru' or 'Daddy' right now?
[ Suguru leans over Yuji, palm bracing his weight by the boy's shoulder. His half-up hair falls around them, strands tumbling messily into his face as he smiles down at Yuji. ]
How about just Suguru right now? [ It's the first time in any sort of sexual situation that Suguru is dropping the title; there's always been that defining line of being "Daddy" when they fucked until this point. ]
[ How could Suguru decline such a perfect invitation?
Climbing properly onto the bed, Suguru settles over Yuji to claim his lips in a warm but eager kiss. It's not domineering, not controlling, but – giving. Sharing part of himself that Suguru has kept locked away for so long. Vulnerable intimacy, even if all he's doing right now is kissing Yuji.
Suguru breaks the kiss to sit up on his knees, dragging his shirt over his head and dropping it on the floor. He pauses to appreciate the boy under him, because Yuji looks so good there, blushing, his lips soft and pink and begging to be kissed more. ]
Look at you. [ ... Clearly, a rhetorical statement as he bends over again to resuming kissing Yuji breathless. ]
[ It's easy to steal himself into that kiss, to offer himself without hesitation: there might not be any dynamics going on here, it might not be dominant and submissive, but Yuji will naturally find it easier to let himself sink into Suguru's embrace and follow his lead. It comes to him as instinct, and that fits his designation well.
Trying to find words to speak is impossible, especially not when there's a mouth pressed against his own over and over again, and he groans softly, hands rising to start to explore the older man's chest, to stroke against the flex of his muscles, to chase him and all he is.
[ The thing with Suguru is that leading comes naturally to him. He wants to be in control – of himself, his home, the world around him – but he can't reconcile so much of the systematic enforcement, the exploitation, the abuse of youth and naivety and—
He hates it.
But Suguru doesn't hate this. The easy way he can take Yuji into his arms, give him that direction and purpose and make him feel so safe, so cared for. He had no taste for the intimacy of a dynamic, if only because he didn't think himself capable of such emotional connections anymore, but with Yuji? He wants to give and be everything Yuji needs.
Suguru drinks Yuji's submission like the promise of blissfully fresh water to his parched throat; he accepts it almost joyfully. So much of his dynamics have always carried the inherent fear of what a submissive might actually want versus what they were trained to want, and Suguru has hated living within that undefined space. He doesn't wonder with Yuji, and that is freedom.
Yuji's hands, Yuji's mouth – Suguru can't get enough. He only breaks away again to push at Yuji's clothes, banishing his shirt and bending over the boy again to kiss his chest, his torso, his belly. Suguru's hands tuck into Yuji's waistband, and he straightens to pull pants and briefs both down, helpfully walking back on his knees to let Yuji's legs free. Once everything's been kicked away, Suguru sits back between Yuji's thighs, letting his legs fall open on either side of Suguru. Suguru will get rid of his own sweats shortly, but he takes a moment again to look down at Yuji and the pretty picture he makes. ]
You're gorgeous. [ He sighs the compliment with warmth in his voice, smiling as he leans over again to resume kissing every inch of Yuji's available skin, long black hair falling carelessly around them. ]
[ Being gazed at like this feels a little bit intense, feels utterly overwhelming, and Yuji's not sure what to do with all the attention.
Historically, being stared at usually meant something dangerous in his future, like some kind of ill omen, but that's not true for Suguru. When he looks at Yuji, all Yuji can feel is the intensity of warmth, the wonder of being cared for, of being loved and cherished, and he makes a sharp little sound as he leans back into the bed, letting himself be stripped down to nothing, emotionally and literally.
You can take the dominant title away, but...
One arm moves, covering his eyes, shy and embarrassed, biting his lip hard. When was the last time he had sex for the sake of it, not due to a kink or a scene? He's not sure... ]
Suguru... [ Lifting his head, he breathes out. ] I... Want you to only be looking at me now, okay? I'm just for you, so look at me and no one else.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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There's what he's allowed, and there's going too far... What's okay? What is he allowed to do?
What are the rules, now that things have shifted? ]
Something like this is enough for me.
[ Leaning in, he smiles softly, cheeks warm despite his cool tears. ]
I'll wait for you, Suguru. As long as it takes, I don't mind. As long as I can stay here with you, I'll be happy.
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There's no more hesitation in Suguru's touch as he reaches out to Yuji, drawing the submissive into his lap and the protective circle of Suguru's broad shoulders, his strong arms. ]
This will be your home as long as you will have it. [ An effortless promise as Suguru bends to kiss away the tears on his sweet boy's face. ]
You will always be safe here, and you will always have a place with me.
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Tilting his head up, he smiles softly, their noses brushing against one another. ]
Sorry, Suguru. I'm going to stay here forever now.
[ With Suguru so close... How can he not kiss him? After barely a week of not kissing him at all he had felt bereft, and he slots their mouths together gently. ]
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Suguru threads fingers in the short crop of Yuji's darker hair, cradling the curve of his skull to hold the submissive even closer. He doesn't let go of Yuji when they finally part to breathe, and he sighs with pure contentment. ]
I missed hearing you say my name. [ Because Suguru-san isn't the same. ]
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[ That Suguru didn't want him, since that is what Suguru had implied. What else would he believe?
This is so much better, shifting his hips forward to lean into Suguru, to nuzzle into his skin and sigh with happiness. He's never felt so content, so happy, and he wants to do so many things that his head feels a little fuzzy with it. Burning with warmth, he tilts his head up and presses another kiss to his dominant's mouth.
It all bubbles up without him being able to control it. ]
I love you, Suguru. I love you so much, I'll tell you every day.
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There's a freedom in that, too.
He returns those kisses with ease, smiling into Yuji's lips. His other hand sweeps over Yuji's back, touching everywhere he can reach to remind himself of how real and solid Yuji feels. (And alive. Fucking alive.) ]
I love you, too. [ Oh, that's the first time saying it out loud to another person in... who knows how long. ]
I should have figured that out sooner.
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He loves him too. He loves him - they love each other! He wiggles a little, before he leans in and shoves his face into Suguru's chest.
It's embarrassing, but it's so nice, too, and he shifts, trying to press their bodies as close together as he can get them. ]
It sounds good when you say it. I like it.
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Suguru nuzzles his smile into Yuji's hair as the submissive hides his face and the charming pink coloring his cheeks. It's cute to see Yuji so happy, and he revels in how it feels to have Yuji against him; it should be more embarrassing to him to react so strongly after only going a week without Yuji, but he can't help it.
He might hate the world, but he doesn't hate that it brought him to Yuji.
And since Yuji likes hearing it so much...
Suguru kisses Yuji's pulse behind his ear, giving a low hum.]
I love you~ [ It sounds different when he's teasing Yuji, but no less sincere or heartfelt. Just... Suguru being Suguru. ]
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Threatening to leave, to pack his things and go, truly imagining that was what the future held - it was enough to break him.
Tilting his head up, Yuji presses their mouths together, this time in a slightly longer, deeper kiss. It's not like him to push so hard, to want so much, but he can't help himself when Suguru is saying he loves him, when Suguru is holding him so gently, when his dominant is letting him settle in his lap like he belongs there. This is what heaven feels like, surely?
Eyes closed, Yuji hums with a soft sound of pleasure. ]
I love you... My Suguru.
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Kissing on the floor is probably not their best option, but Suguru doesn't care enough to disrupt the moment, the closeness. He has Yuji in his lap, right where Suguru needs him to be. ]
Your Suguru. [ So easy to say now. ]
And your Daddy.
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Leaning back, eyes flicking up, Yuji can feel his cheeks flush, like rouge on his skin. ]
... Yeah. I love Suguru, and I love my Daddy too.
[ Nuzzling into his jaw gently, he smiles. ]
I missed playing with you.
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I missed it, too. But it's not the only thing I missed. [ In case Yuji had any concerns that Suguru's motivations were less heartfelt.
He turns his head to catch Yuji's lips again, letting the kiss linger, the tease of tongue before drawing back, resting his forehead against Yuji's. ]
I missed taking care of you.
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You were still taking care of me, even when I was mad.
[ Because Suguru is a good dominant, a good man. ]
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Suguru is so glad that he did. ]
I was certainly trying. [ Even if he didn't love Yuji, he still would have been Suguru's responsibility, and Suguru would have honored that. ]
You deserve that care, Yuji.
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He never hurt him. Not intentionally, at least, and that means a lot to Yuji. ]
Ah, maybe... I'm still working on that sort of thinking.
[ Nuzzling into Suguru's neck, he sighs. ]
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[ Easy! Suguru has no qualms doting on Yuji or peppering him with sweet affection and reminders of his worth. After Yuji spent so many years going without, Suguru finds he's eager to provide.
Shifting his arms around Yuji, Suguru rearranges him in his lap until he can slide an arm under Yuji's knees and the other behind his back before hauling the boy up, princess-style. With Yuji in his arms, Suguru gets his knees beneath him, then levers himself up to his feet. Apparently, this is what all that weight-lifting was preparing him for: carrying his cute-but-dense boyfriend around. ]
There we go. [ He presses a warm kiss to Yuji's cheek. ]
Let's go somewhere more comfortable than the floor, hm? [ Even if it's just to the couch. ]
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[ Arms lift to wrap around Geto without him being able to think about it too much, leaning into his body. He feels a little guilty, having the other man carry him around, since he's not exactly light with all his muscle and bulk, but it's not as if his dominant hasn't proved he's strong enough. He works out, he's strong, and Yuji likes that about him.
They're strong enough for each other.
It's so, so easy to sink into his warmth, to tilt his head up and nuzzle as best he can, wanting to curl around him. ]
We could go to the couch... Or your bed, if you wanted, Suguru.
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With a smile, he kisses the top of Yuji's head. ]
I think I want to stretch you out on my bed and spend some time loving you.
[ Unless Yuji has any complaints.
Suguru heads for his bedroom – where Suguru hasn't managed much sleep in the past week – walking up to Yuji's side of the mattress. Lovingly, he lowers Yuji to the duvet and sets him amongst the pile of pillows. ]
There. That's where you belong.
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[ It's embarrassing, because this feels like something beyond the contract. Beyond what they had done. Of course Yuji had always felt that sort of bubble of affection, but to have it confirmed like this, to have it offered to him, it feels unreal.
It's something he doesn't think he deserves.
Leaning back in the bed, he gazes up at Suguru with nothing but adoration on his face as he smiles. ]
You can do whatever you want. [ A pause, before he tilts his head - just to make sure. ] Is it 'Suguru' or 'Daddy' right now?
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How about just Suguru right now? [ It's the first time in any sort of sexual situation that Suguru is dropping the title; there's always been that defining line of being "Daddy" when they fucked until this point. ]
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Okay... Suguru.
[ Cheeks red, he makes himself comfortable, opening his arms a little. ]
Come and have me.
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Climbing properly onto the bed, Suguru settles over Yuji to claim his lips in a warm but eager kiss. It's not domineering, not controlling, but – giving. Sharing part of himself that Suguru has kept locked away for so long. Vulnerable intimacy, even if all he's doing right now is kissing Yuji.
Suguru breaks the kiss to sit up on his knees, dragging his shirt over his head and dropping it on the floor. He pauses to appreciate the boy under him, because Yuji looks so good there, blushing, his lips soft and pink and begging to be kissed more. ]
Look at you. [ ... Clearly, a rhetorical statement as he bends over again to resuming kissing Yuji breathless. ]
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Trying to find words to speak is impossible, especially not when there's a mouth pressed against his own over and over again, and he groans softly, hands rising to start to explore the older man's chest, to stroke against the flex of his muscles, to chase him and all he is.
It's been too long. Yuji adores him. ]
Suguru... Please.
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He hates it.
But Suguru doesn't hate this. The easy way he can take Yuji into his arms, give him that direction and purpose and make him feel so safe, so cared for. He had no taste for the intimacy of a dynamic, if only because he didn't think himself capable of such emotional connections anymore, but with Yuji? He wants to give and be everything Yuji needs.
Suguru drinks Yuji's submission like the promise of blissfully fresh water to his parched throat; he accepts it almost joyfully. So much of his dynamics have always carried the inherent fear of what a submissive might actually want versus what they were trained to want, and Suguru has hated living within that undefined space. He doesn't wonder with Yuji, and that is freedom.
Yuji's hands, Yuji's mouth – Suguru can't get enough. He only breaks away again to push at Yuji's clothes, banishing his shirt and bending over the boy again to kiss his chest, his torso, his belly. Suguru's hands tuck into Yuji's waistband, and he straightens to pull pants and briefs both down, helpfully walking back on his knees to let Yuji's legs free. Once everything's been kicked away, Suguru sits back between Yuji's thighs, letting his legs fall open on either side of Suguru. Suguru will get rid of his own sweats shortly, but he takes a moment again to look down at Yuji and the pretty picture he makes. ]
You're gorgeous. [ He sighs the compliment with warmth in his voice, smiling as he leans over again to resume kissing every inch of Yuji's available skin, long black hair falling carelessly around them. ]
Perfect, just for me...
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Historically, being stared at usually meant something dangerous in his future, like some kind of ill omen, but that's not true for Suguru. When he looks at Yuji, all Yuji can feel is the intensity of warmth, the wonder of being cared for, of being loved and cherished, and he makes a sharp little sound as he leans back into the bed, letting himself be stripped down to nothing, emotionally and literally.
You can take the dominant title away, but...
One arm moves, covering his eyes, shy and embarrassed, biting his lip hard. When was the last time he had sex for the sake of it, not due to a kink or a scene? He's not sure... ]
Suguru... [ Lifting his head, he breathes out. ] I... Want you to only be looking at me now, okay? I'm just for you, so look at me and no one else.
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