[ Suguru shakes his head as his other hand reaches out, gently brushing away the mess of tears on Yuji's cheeks. ]
I was— [ He sighs, searching for the words. ]
I was being an idiot. [ Also true. ] I was too preoccupied with my personal garbage to get out of my own way.
And... [ This one is harder to admit, if only because he so often doesn't consider this aspect. ] I was protecting my heart by sacrificing yours. I don't... know what it's like to feel this way about someone. [ Not anymore. ] But instead of trying, I avoided acknowledging my own feelings until it... hurt you.
[ Yuji stares at Suguru, completely lost as the other man speaks. His heart is thudding in his chest and when he licks his lips, he can taste the salt of his tears. He doesn’t understand - he can’t fathom what this means. What any of it means.
Suguru has changed his mind… Why does it feel like a trick, somehow? In barely a scrap of an hour…? He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand it at all, too dumb to put the pieces together. ]
Nothing has changed, Suguru-san. I’m still like this, and the world is still like that, so why…? Don’t… Make me feel like this. Not if you’ll take it away.
[ Don’t give him hope then dash it, he thinks, even as he leans into the touch, desperate and wanting. ]
It’s okay to say I’m not good enough for you. I can handle it. I don’t need the rest.
[ It's not surprising that Yuji is so confused – Suguru is, too. He's never experienced this as an adult, never cared enough about someone else to even think about keeping them, and for Yuji to so completely scale his inner walls and make himself at home in Suguru's heart? Suguru had no way to prepare for that, and so he just didn't. But instead of taking the time to piece together his feelings and swallow the threat of rejection – no matter how small it might have been with such a perfect, smitten boy – Suguru rejected Yuji first.
He needs to repair that.
Suguru's palm fits the curve of Yuji's cheek perfectly, and though his touch is soft, his voice is firm. ]
Listen to me and hear me, Yuji. You are and always have been good enough. What you've been through and the dominants in your life have never determined your value – in the same way they could never diminish it, either.
You were always more than good enough for me, Yuji, and I can't do anything but love you for it.
[ Pulling away from Suguru had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done, and trying to let his heart regain that desperate hope feels like a lot right now. He’s surrounded by the tornado of his own grief as he’d tried to pack things, his chest hurts from crying, but… Suguru is right here. He’s right here and he’s saying all the things that Yuji had been desperate to hear for so long.
He wants to believe in it so much.
Blinking back more tears, Yuji swallows absently before he breathes out a soft nose, eyes wide and gazing on the man in front of him. ]
Suguru… I’ve liked you for a long time now. No, that - hm. I’ve loved you. It’s been weeks.
[ Suguru's nod is emphatic and immediate. No hesitation, no thought needed to confirm that of course, it's okay. ]
Yes. Of course, yes. [ In fact, hearing Yuji say that fills Suguru's chest with an effervescent warmth so powerful, it leaves Suguru breathless. He shifts closer to Yuji, a crooked tilt gracing his lips now – nothing like the performative smiles that keep everyone at a distance. ]
It's hard for me to remember what falling in love feels like, but I think it's something like this. [ And he's trying to remember how this dance works, how to let himself feel it, instead of losing it beneath the shadow of his grief. ]
Is it all right if it takes me time to figure myself out, too? [ Without a deadline or an impending departure. He wouldn't be here with Yuji if he wasn't already sure. ] I know that I want you and I want this, but I'm...
[ It's really okay to feel that way... Yuji's eyes widen as he stares at the man in front of him, still sticky from his tears and his hurt. He doesn't know if he can believe it that easily, but it makes him yearn a little - shifting forward, he swallows, fingers trailing up the length of Geto's arms before he hesitates.
There's what he's allowed, and there's going too far... What's okay? What is he allowed to do?
What are the rules, now that things have shifted? ]
Something like this is enough for me.
[ Leaning in, he smiles softly, cheeks warm despite his cool tears. ]
I'll wait for you, Suguru. As long as it takes, I don't mind. As long as I can stay here with you, I'll be happy.
[ The relief Suguru feels is like a soft blanket wrapped around his shoulders. (He spent so many years determined to never let anyone close enough to lay eyes on the parts of himself he finds objectionable, that he thinks make him ill-suited to loving and being loved. But he's also never met someone who's given him enough of a sense of peace and acceptance that it felt easy just to try.)
There's no more hesitation in Suguru's touch as he reaches out to Yuji, drawing the submissive into his lap and the protective circle of Suguru's broad shoulders, his strong arms. ]
This will be your home as long as you will have it. [ An effortless promise as Suguru bends to kiss away the tears on his sweet boy's face. ]
You will always be safe here, and you will always have a place with me.
[ Leaning in, Yuji nuzzles into him, pressing soft kisses along Suguru's jaw as he lets himself collapse against his body. He trusts Suguru to keep hold of him, to keep him up, to share strength with him, and he feels his cheeks flaring up intensely, too. It's embarrassing, to confess like this, but at the same time... It worked out for him.
Tilting his head up, he smiles softly, their noses brushing against one another. ]
Sorry, Suguru. I'm going to stay here forever now.
[ With Suguru so close... How can he not kiss him? After barely a week of not kissing him at all he had felt bereft, and he slots their mouths together gently. ]
[ Suguru takes Yuji's weight without a second thought, arms winding around his waist and holding him so perfectly close. Kissing Yuji for the first time in a week feels like coming home again, like kicking off his shoes to sink into the familiarity of a beloved space after too long away. Suguru kisses Yuji with all the affection that's bloomed in the months that he's had this submissive at his side, poured into him – but without any domineering claim or punishing edge for the time apart. Sweetly, the way he hasn't kissed anyone in over a decade.
Suguru threads fingers in the short crop of Yuji's darker hair, cradling the curve of his skull to hold the submissive even closer. He doesn't let go of Yuji when they finally part to breathe, and he sighs with pure contentment. ]
I missed hearing you say my name. [ Because Suguru-san isn't the same. ]
Mm... I was trying to keep distance, since I thought...
[ That Suguru didn't want him, since that is what Suguru had implied. What else would he believe?
This is so much better, shifting his hips forward to lean into Suguru, to nuzzle into his skin and sigh with happiness. He's never felt so content, so happy, and he wants to do so many things that his head feels a little fuzzy with it. Burning with warmth, he tilts his head up and presses another kiss to his dominant's mouth.
It all bubbles up without him being able to control it. ]
I love you, Suguru. I love you so much, I'll tell you every day.
[ Suguru understands, completely, and the tiniest part of him continues to naggingly wonder if that wasn't the right move on Yuji's part, but— Nothing is different now than it was a week ago, in Suguru's mind; he feels the same fondness, the same affection and adoration, but now the final deadline isn't even an option. He hadn't been thinking about it, hadn't even realized how closely it was approaching, but now knowing that Yuji is staying?
There's a freedom in that, too.
He returns those kisses with ease, smiling into Yuji's lips. His other hand sweeps over Yuji's back, touching everywhere he can reach to remind himself of how real and solid Yuji feels. (And alive. Fucking alive.) ]
I love you, too. [ Oh, that's the first time saying it out loud to another person in... who knows how long. ]
[ Suguru says it, so casually, despite his concerns from before, and all Yuji can do is lean back, his eyes widening a little as he stares at the man in front of him. His cheeks are flushed a bright, beautiful red, and he swallows as he gazes up at the man he loves.
He loves him too. He loves him - they love each other! He wiggles a little, before he leans in and shoves his face into Suguru's chest.
It's embarrassing, but it's so nice, too, and he shifts, trying to press their bodies as close together as he can get them. ]
[ Loving Yuji was never really the question. Suguru just doesn't know if his love is enough – if it shines out from under that anger and sadness and resentment for the world they live in. But he's never so much as tried before.
Suguru nuzzles his smile into Yuji's hair as the submissive hides his face and the charming pink coloring his cheeks. It's cute to see Yuji so happy, and he revels in how it feels to have Yuji against him; it should be more embarrassing to him to react so strongly after only going a week without Yuji, but he can't help it.
He might hate the world, but he doesn't hate that it brought him to Yuji.
And since Yuji likes hearing it so much...
Suguru kisses Yuji's pulse behind his ear, giving a low hum.]
I love you~ [ It sounds different when he's teasing Yuji, but no less sincere or heartfelt. Just... Suguru being Suguru. ]
[ Yuji does love him: he loves him so deeply, so wholly, that the notion of giving it up now is a painful one. He simply cannot do it.
Threatening to leave, to pack his things and go, truly imagining that was what the future held - it was enough to break him.
Tilting his head up, Yuji presses their mouths together, this time in a slightly longer, deeper kiss. It's not like him to push so hard, to want so much, but he can't help himself when Suguru is saying he loves him, when Suguru is holding him so gently, when his dominant is letting him settle in his lap like he belongs there. This is what heaven feels like, surely?
Eyes closed, Yuji hums with a soft sound of pleasure. ]
[ Suguru is mildly taken aback by how freely and eagerly Yuji kisses him, how he seems to be allowing himself to want – and Suguru wants to give it to him, whatever his heart desires.
Kissing on the floor is probably not their best option, but Suguru doesn't care enough to disrupt the moment, the closeness. He has Yuji in his lap, right where Suguru needs him to be. ]
[ After weeks of not daring to show just how much he liked Suguru, the chance to let his affection shine through is overwhelming, and he sinks into it immediately, letting himself take and take. It's been a while since they were this close, too, so of course he wants more of it.
Leaning back, eyes flicking up, Yuji can feel his cheeks flush, like rouge on his skin. ]
[ Ah, he's glad Yuji could see that, even through his anger. Suguru never once thought about retracting his care or consideration when Yuji put that wall up between them; instead, he left little offerings at the gate, waiting to see if Yuji would open up again.
Suguru is so glad that he did. ]
I was certainly trying. [ Even if he didn't love Yuji, he still would have been Suguru's responsibility, and Suguru would have honored that. ]
[ It's different from his experiences before, of course, as everything is. With Mahito, bad behaviour would result in a total removal of care, no concern given for his mental or emotional state. Even with their tension and awkwardness with each other, Suguru never treated him like that.
He never hurt him. Not intentionally, at least, and that means a lot to Yuji. ]
Ah, maybe... I'm still working on that sort of thinking.
Then I'll just have to help remind you while you try.
[ Easy! Suguru has no qualms doting on Yuji or peppering him with sweet affection and reminders of his worth. After Yuji spent so many years going without, Suguru finds he's eager to provide.
Shifting his arms around Yuji, Suguru rearranges him in his lap until he can slide an arm under Yuji's knees and the other behind his back before hauling the boy up, princess-style. With Yuji in his arms, Suguru gets his knees beneath him, then levers himself up to his feet. Apparently, this is what all that weight-lifting was preparing him for: carrying his cute-but-dense boyfriend around. ]
There we go. [ He presses a warm kiss to Yuji's cheek. ]
Let's go somewhere more comfortable than the floor, hm? [ Even if it's just to the couch. ]
[ Arms lift to wrap around Geto without him being able to think about it too much, leaning into his body. He feels a little guilty, having the other man carry him around, since he's not exactly light with all his muscle and bulk, but it's not as if his dominant hasn't proved he's strong enough. He works out, he's strong, and Yuji likes that about him.
They're strong enough for each other.
It's so, so easy to sink into his warmth, to tilt his head up and nuzzle as best he can, wanting to curl around him. ]
We could go to the couch... Or your bed, if you wanted, Suguru.
[ Yuji definitely isn't light, but that's one of the things Suguru finds so attractive about him. Strong, muscular, but a softness that's just alluring to Suguru.
With a smile, he kisses the top of Yuji's head. ]
I think I want to stretch you out on my bed and spend some time loving you.
[ Unless Yuji has any complaints.
Suguru heads for his bedroom – where Suguru hasn't managed much sleep in the past week – walking up to Yuji's side of the mattress. Lovingly, he lowers Yuji to the duvet and sets him amongst the pile of pillows. ]
[ It's embarrassing, because this feels like something beyond the contract. Beyond what they had done. Of course Yuji had always felt that sort of bubble of affection, but to have it confirmed like this, to have it offered to him, it feels unreal.
It's something he doesn't think he deserves.
Leaning back in the bed, he gazes up at Suguru with nothing but adoration on his face as he smiles. ]
You can do whatever you want. [ A pause, before he tilts his head - just to make sure. ] Is it 'Suguru' or 'Daddy' right now?
[ Suguru leans over Yuji, palm bracing his weight by the boy's shoulder. His half-up hair falls around them, strands tumbling messily into his face as he smiles down at Yuji. ]
How about just Suguru right now? [ It's the first time in any sort of sexual situation that Suguru is dropping the title; there's always been that defining line of being "Daddy" when they fucked until this point. ]
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I was— [ He sighs, searching for the words. ]
I was being an idiot. [ Also true. ] I was too preoccupied with my personal garbage to get out of my own way.
And... [ This one is harder to admit, if only because he so often doesn't consider this aspect. ] I was protecting my heart by sacrificing yours. I don't... know what it's like to feel this way about someone. [ Not anymore. ] But instead of trying, I avoided acknowledging my own feelings until it... hurt you.
So I'm sorry for that, too.
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Suguru has changed his mind… Why does it feel like a trick, somehow? In barely a scrap of an hour…? He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand it at all, too dumb to put the pieces together. ]
Nothing has changed, Suguru-san. I’m still like this, and the world is still like that, so why…? Don’t… Make me feel like this. Not if you’ll take it away.
[ Don’t give him hope then dash it, he thinks, even as he leans into the touch, desperate and wanting. ]
It’s okay to say I’m not good enough for you. I can handle it. I don’t need the rest.
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He needs to repair that.
Suguru's palm fits the curve of Yuji's cheek perfectly, and though his touch is soft, his voice is firm. ]
Listen to me and hear me, Yuji. You are and always have been good enough. What you've been through and the dominants in your life have never determined your value – in the same way they could never diminish it, either.
You were always more than good enough for me, Yuji, and I can't do anything but love you for it.
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He wants to believe in it so much.
Blinking back more tears, Yuji swallows absently before he breathes out a soft nose, eyes wide and gazing on the man in front of him. ]
Suguru… I’ve liked you for a long time now. No, that - hm. I’ve loved you. It’s been weeks.
[ Leaning into him, seeking him, wanting him… ]
Is… Is it okay? If I feel that way?
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Yes. Of course, yes. [ In fact, hearing Yuji say that fills Suguru's chest with an effervescent warmth so powerful, it leaves Suguru breathless. He shifts closer to Yuji, a crooked tilt gracing his lips now – nothing like the performative smiles that keep everyone at a distance. ]
It's hard for me to remember what falling in love feels like, but I think it's something like this. [ And he's trying to remember how this dance works, how to let himself feel it, instead of losing it beneath the shadow of his grief. ]
Is it all right if it takes me time to figure myself out, too? [ Without a deadline or an impending departure. He wouldn't be here with Yuji if he wasn't already sure. ] I know that I want you and I want this, but I'm...
[ Hmm, how to put this? ]
... my own kind of damaged.
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There's what he's allowed, and there's going too far... What's okay? What is he allowed to do?
What are the rules, now that things have shifted? ]
Something like this is enough for me.
[ Leaning in, he smiles softly, cheeks warm despite his cool tears. ]
I'll wait for you, Suguru. As long as it takes, I don't mind. As long as I can stay here with you, I'll be happy.
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There's no more hesitation in Suguru's touch as he reaches out to Yuji, drawing the submissive into his lap and the protective circle of Suguru's broad shoulders, his strong arms. ]
This will be your home as long as you will have it. [ An effortless promise as Suguru bends to kiss away the tears on his sweet boy's face. ]
You will always be safe here, and you will always have a place with me.
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Tilting his head up, he smiles softly, their noses brushing against one another. ]
Sorry, Suguru. I'm going to stay here forever now.
[ With Suguru so close... How can he not kiss him? After barely a week of not kissing him at all he had felt bereft, and he slots their mouths together gently. ]
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Suguru threads fingers in the short crop of Yuji's darker hair, cradling the curve of his skull to hold the submissive even closer. He doesn't let go of Yuji when they finally part to breathe, and he sighs with pure contentment. ]
I missed hearing you say my name. [ Because Suguru-san isn't the same. ]
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[ That Suguru didn't want him, since that is what Suguru had implied. What else would he believe?
This is so much better, shifting his hips forward to lean into Suguru, to nuzzle into his skin and sigh with happiness. He's never felt so content, so happy, and he wants to do so many things that his head feels a little fuzzy with it. Burning with warmth, he tilts his head up and presses another kiss to his dominant's mouth.
It all bubbles up without him being able to control it. ]
I love you, Suguru. I love you so much, I'll tell you every day.
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There's a freedom in that, too.
He returns those kisses with ease, smiling into Yuji's lips. His other hand sweeps over Yuji's back, touching everywhere he can reach to remind himself of how real and solid Yuji feels. (And alive. Fucking alive.) ]
I love you, too. [ Oh, that's the first time saying it out loud to another person in... who knows how long. ]
I should have figured that out sooner.
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He loves him too. He loves him - they love each other! He wiggles a little, before he leans in and shoves his face into Suguru's chest.
It's embarrassing, but it's so nice, too, and he shifts, trying to press their bodies as close together as he can get them. ]
It sounds good when you say it. I like it.
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Suguru nuzzles his smile into Yuji's hair as the submissive hides his face and the charming pink coloring his cheeks. It's cute to see Yuji so happy, and he revels in how it feels to have Yuji against him; it should be more embarrassing to him to react so strongly after only going a week without Yuji, but he can't help it.
He might hate the world, but he doesn't hate that it brought him to Yuji.
And since Yuji likes hearing it so much...
Suguru kisses Yuji's pulse behind his ear, giving a low hum.]
I love you~ [ It sounds different when he's teasing Yuji, but no less sincere or heartfelt. Just... Suguru being Suguru. ]
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Threatening to leave, to pack his things and go, truly imagining that was what the future held - it was enough to break him.
Tilting his head up, Yuji presses their mouths together, this time in a slightly longer, deeper kiss. It's not like him to push so hard, to want so much, but he can't help himself when Suguru is saying he loves him, when Suguru is holding him so gently, when his dominant is letting him settle in his lap like he belongs there. This is what heaven feels like, surely?
Eyes closed, Yuji hums with a soft sound of pleasure. ]
I love you... My Suguru.
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Kissing on the floor is probably not their best option, but Suguru doesn't care enough to disrupt the moment, the closeness. He has Yuji in his lap, right where Suguru needs him to be. ]
Your Suguru. [ So easy to say now. ]
And your Daddy.
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Leaning back, eyes flicking up, Yuji can feel his cheeks flush, like rouge on his skin. ]
... Yeah. I love Suguru, and I love my Daddy too.
[ Nuzzling into his jaw gently, he smiles. ]
I missed playing with you.
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I missed it, too. But it's not the only thing I missed. [ In case Yuji had any concerns that Suguru's motivations were less heartfelt.
He turns his head to catch Yuji's lips again, letting the kiss linger, the tease of tongue before drawing back, resting his forehead against Yuji's. ]
I missed taking care of you.
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You were still taking care of me, even when I was mad.
[ Because Suguru is a good dominant, a good man. ]
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Suguru is so glad that he did. ]
I was certainly trying. [ Even if he didn't love Yuji, he still would have been Suguru's responsibility, and Suguru would have honored that. ]
You deserve that care, Yuji.
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He never hurt him. Not intentionally, at least, and that means a lot to Yuji. ]
Ah, maybe... I'm still working on that sort of thinking.
[ Nuzzling into Suguru's neck, he sighs. ]
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[ Easy! Suguru has no qualms doting on Yuji or peppering him with sweet affection and reminders of his worth. After Yuji spent so many years going without, Suguru finds he's eager to provide.
Shifting his arms around Yuji, Suguru rearranges him in his lap until he can slide an arm under Yuji's knees and the other behind his back before hauling the boy up, princess-style. With Yuji in his arms, Suguru gets his knees beneath him, then levers himself up to his feet. Apparently, this is what all that weight-lifting was preparing him for: carrying his cute-but-dense boyfriend around. ]
There we go. [ He presses a warm kiss to Yuji's cheek. ]
Let's go somewhere more comfortable than the floor, hm? [ Even if it's just to the couch. ]
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[ Arms lift to wrap around Geto without him being able to think about it too much, leaning into his body. He feels a little guilty, having the other man carry him around, since he's not exactly light with all his muscle and bulk, but it's not as if his dominant hasn't proved he's strong enough. He works out, he's strong, and Yuji likes that about him.
They're strong enough for each other.
It's so, so easy to sink into his warmth, to tilt his head up and nuzzle as best he can, wanting to curl around him. ]
We could go to the couch... Or your bed, if you wanted, Suguru.
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With a smile, he kisses the top of Yuji's head. ]
I think I want to stretch you out on my bed and spend some time loving you.
[ Unless Yuji has any complaints.
Suguru heads for his bedroom – where Suguru hasn't managed much sleep in the past week – walking up to Yuji's side of the mattress. Lovingly, he lowers Yuji to the duvet and sets him amongst the pile of pillows. ]
There. That's where you belong.
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[ It's embarrassing, because this feels like something beyond the contract. Beyond what they had done. Of course Yuji had always felt that sort of bubble of affection, but to have it confirmed like this, to have it offered to him, it feels unreal.
It's something he doesn't think he deserves.
Leaning back in the bed, he gazes up at Suguru with nothing but adoration on his face as he smiles. ]
You can do whatever you want. [ A pause, before he tilts his head - just to make sure. ] Is it 'Suguru' or 'Daddy' right now?
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How about just Suguru right now? [ It's the first time in any sort of sexual situation that Suguru is dropping the title; there's always been that defining line of being "Daddy" when they fucked until this point. ]
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