There's something about being taken to see your new dominant's best friend and his submissive that's a little intimidated, and knowing that Gojo-san and Fushiguro-kun have been together for a while might speak to the care they have for each other, it still makes him anxious. Nervous. Mahito took him out, of course, he wasn't locked away all the time, but it was always with the intention of sharing him, of having other people watch or see how good Yuji was at being submissive, a loss of agency he is only beginning to understand.
He doesn't think Suguru would do that to him, but there's still a chill of fear that burns through him until he's left alone with Fushiguro, and then it's just... Awkward. Yuji is stood, feeling like an idiot - because when was the last time he spoke to someone his own age, let alone someone who was also a submissive who might understand? Suguru had asked him to try his best, had said they could go if it was too much, but Yuji was determined to be the best he can in this new environment.
... Gojo-san's house is huge.
Suguru had said that he had shared a little of his past, but not all that much, and that's enough to make Yuji feel a little uncertain as he watches his dominant leave, staring after him longingly before he settles down on the couch, swallowing. The instinct to drop to his knees is still painful, but it's not like Fushiguro is a dominant, and it's not as if he has to follow anyone else's orders, not when Suguru had been so firm on the matter. It's just weird.
Bowing his head, he nods, trying for a smile. ]
Sure! It's been ages since I played, though, so you'll definitely kick my ass.
The CPUs are brutal with blue shells, so we might both get fucked.
[ And Megumi will take it easy, if only because it's no fun picking on someone who can't defend themselves – like smoking a dude in a race when he's terrible at Mario Kart.
Going over to his Switch, Megumi turns it on and plucks up two wireless controllers. He brings them to the couch, plopping down next to Yuji but without making any physical contact. ]
Here.
[ He offers the other boy one controller, direct without being forceful. ]
[ Wiggling anxiously, Yuji looks around the room. Instinct has him wanting to drop to sit on the floor, but Suguru hadn't told him he needs to do something like that, so... He tries to focus on what he's doing instead. It's hard, when his nerves feel as if they're on fire, but it makes him prickle a little.
When was the last time he had fun with someone his own age?
Nodding, he reaches and takes the controller, hesitating for a moment. His life has really been abnormal in comparison to that of other submissives, hasn't it? He can't even remember letting himself enjoy something as simple as a game. He didn't even have a phone until he moved in with Suguru.
Blinking, he stares at the television for a moment. ]
[ Megumi lucked out with his first placement, unlike a lot of submissives. He and Gojo fit together well, and he's never had another dominant. In many ways, Gojo shielded Megumi from the darker parts of their society, and Megumi has known a stable home there since his placement. So while Megumi can relate to Yuji's position, Megumi has also had the luxury of shit like video games and autonomy and a voice.
Yuji was always denied that.
Megumi holds up his controller, demonstrating each button as he speaks. ]
A to accelerate, B button to brake, this thing to steer, and A is also jump. [ He tries to keep it simple as he navigates through the menus to pick the tutorial track.
And just so Yuji knows he isn't trapped with this: ]
We probably don't have to play for long, if you're not feeling it. They just want us to stay busy until they're done doing whatever.
[ What do dominants even talk about? Yuji hadn't ever been allowed to be in the room when Mahito was talking to his friends, not unless he was cuffed, blindfolded and had his ears covered, but... Suguru had said that Gojo-san was his friend, so that must mean they're doing their own thing. Is that why he wants him to get along with Fushiguro? So that they can be good friends too?
He's not getting his hopes up, but it helps, just a little, to ease some of his nerves.
Nodding and settling into the game, Yuji sighs softly. ]
I don't know what to do when he's not around. He didn't give me those kinds of rules yet.
[ An insight into his mindset. ]
... Is it rude to ask how long you've been with Gojo-san?
[ Megumi gives a bland shrug. He doesn't really have a clue what Geto and Gojo do when Megumi isn't in the room, even if he's frequently present. He likes sitting at Gojo's feet when nothing is going on, usually reading a book because he's not required to stand at constant attention in case Gojo has an order; Megumi just likes existing with his dominant. He doesn't care who else is around.
But Megumi is observant enough to take note of these tidbits about Yuji. He's not surprised Geto doesn't have rules for Yuji on downtime, given how much he's overheard the guy's snide comments about "society" and shit. Megumi gets it to a point. ]
Almost three years. [ His first and only placement. (He hopes.) And he adds, ] It's not rude.
[ Keeping his eyes on the game, Megumi chews on his own thoughts because he's bad at this part. The whole "making friends and talking to them" thing. ]
That's almost as long as Yuji was with Mahito for, but things feel so different here. Megumi isn't on the floor, or chained, or paraded around for other people to look at. All the things that Yuji had imagined were completely normal for a relationship between a dominant and a submissive are missing from this house: no hooks, no spaces on the ground to sit, no commands given sharply before rooms are left.
It seems peaceful, and quiet, and happy, and to Yuji that feels... Strange, and uncomfortable to think about.
Was Mahito the strange one, or is it Gojo-san? He really can't tell.
Three years feels like such a long time. ]
Oh. Thanks. [ For the support. Not rude. Ah. ] Do... You're happy here?
Megumi prickles on instinct, almost just for the reflexive dislike of anyone asking about how he feels, even something as simple as being happy at Gojo's. But it's a normal question, and it's weirdly easy to answer. ]
I... Yeah. [ He... is. He doesn't dread every day. He doesn't wake up feeling hopeless or resigned to the will of another person. As much as he exists in the strange space of having no more rights than Gojo allows, it doesn't feel that way. ]
I don't hate it. [ High praise in Megumi-speak.
He glances over at Yuji, trying not to stare. It feels weird to know some things about the submissive sitting next to him, but to also have no context of Yuji himself. ]
[ Yuji is getting the impression already that even the most lukewarm response might mean something more enthusiastic to this guy, and it makes his mouth twitch a little, almost smiling. It's kind of cute, in a way, but the sort of thing that you'd find a little frustrating to deal with after a while, wanting to know more about how he really feels. That sort of thing.
He doesn't hate it, so that means he's happy.
Happy, in his first placement? Yuji assumes, at least... Is that normal?
He has no idea: what can he compare it to?
Blinking down at the controller in his hands, Yuji shifts a little. He doesn't mind answering the questions, but he feels a strange, gnawing guilt, as if somehow it's wrong to talk about this. As if it's wrong, to risk making other people sad for something stupid and pathetic, in his eyes. ]
Yeah, Suguru-san took me in after I was removed from the other one. I was there a few years.
[ A few years? Changes in placement aren't uncommon, but they're usually initiated because of a mismatch or dominant's request. It takes a lot for a submissive to be removed from a home. Megumi's own morbid curiosity makes him want to ask directly, but he has enough good sense not to blurt it out. ]
... Is it better so far?
[ Megumi doesn't know a lot about Geto, but he does know that the guy seems to be more in line with Gojo's practices than whatever Yuji had before. ]
Yuji is more comfortable, he's probably happier than he was in his old placement, but he's still on edge. He hasn't really had any kind of punishment yet and his anxious, waiting for it to happen. He's sure he's done things that should've earned him some kind of consequence now, disappointed Suguru in some way, but he hasn't seen anything like a sanction.
A part of him wonders if Suguru is really that soft, or if he really thinks Yuji is that desperately weak. As if he couldn't handle whatever he might give him. ]
I guess so. I don't really know how to compare these kinds of things. It's different from Mahito-sam- ah. The other place. The other guy.
[ Mahito-sama, who watched Yuji be taken away from his doorway and just smiled. ]
[ This is an awkward conversation. As much as Megumi usually goes out of his way to avoid these kinds of interactions, he's listening to Yuji now, tiny furrow in his brow as he watches the game track. (He's not being a jerk with items and knocking Yuji constantly off the map, so clearly, he's trying.) ]
What's different? [ It's a broad, invasive question, which maybe should mean it's something Megumi shouldn't ask after just meeting Yuji, but he wants to know.
But quickly seeming to think better of it, Megumi adds, ]
[ Yuji is focussed on the game, and he's never had much of an issue talking about this kind of thing, so he just... Talks, as he plays around and lets his little character run into a banana. Aw. ]
I don't mind. I talked about it enough at the foster centre.
[ Sighing, he stares at the screen, not minding that he's losing by a lot. ]
There are a lot less rules, and Suguru-san listens to me when I say things. If I don't want to do something, we don't have to, and that's pretty weird... Sometimes I still feel bad, when it's obviously something he was excited about. And I haven't been punished yet, and he hasn't had any other dominants other either.
[ Megumi listens without interrupting – and without really reacting. Not because he's unfazed by what Yuji says (on the contrary, he's deeply bothered by the implications of what Yuji doesn't say), but because he doesn't want Yuji to think that he should stop telling Megumi. It's good to know Geto is apparently pretty reasonable, but the comparison of where Yuji came from sticks with Megumi.
One thing that really surprises him (much like it surprised Suguru) is the idea that Yuji would need to be punished all that often.
Frowning, Megumi glances over at Yuji. ]
What kind of stuff are you expecting to get punished for? [ Megumi gets punished plenty, but he's a mouthy brat – for sport and by nature. Sometimes he baits Gojo by refusing to obey, just to see how his dominant will react. But Yuji is... so obedient and submissive, almost painfully. What would he get punished for? ]
[ Yuji is starting to get the idea that the things he experienced before Suguru are not the usual things that a submissive ought to go through. When he had spoken about it to the counsellors, they'd always written down a lot of notes and asked him questions about how he felt about it, if he felt okay, if he wanted a new dominant.
At the time, he hadn't minded so much, but now... He has kind of an uncomfortable feeling about it all. ]
The usual stuff?
[ Lowering his hands, controller resting on his lap, he tilts his head. ]
Speaking without being told, not following the rules, not listening properly, crying, being too slow or too fast... Normal stuff.
[ The game is paused, and Yuji turns to look at Megumi without hesitation. Sure, he's starting to realise things were bad, but he hasn't quite realised just how bad they were. It's still dawning on him, in that sad, slow sort of way.
Megumi is making it seem... Worse, somehow. ]
Sure? If I kept doing things wrong, then I got punished. That's how this is meant to work, isn't it?
Yeah, but are you trying to act out? If he didn't listen to you when you didn't want to do things and then punished you when you cried, how's that your fault?
[ Megumi is trying to piece together what Yuji said about Geto and the differences from the last placement. The picture everything paints is fucking grim, and maybe that means he should leave it alone, but...
[ Megumi can't help but compare it to his own life with Gojo. If anything, his dominant seems to like when Megumi cries; depending on the context, Gojo seems to find it adorable rather than obnoxious. But aside from that, it's not something Megumi can control, especially not in the middle of an intense scene, and he's never even heard a single whisper about punishment for crying. Sometimes, punishment goes until he cries – if that's the goal. ]
Crying is normal. [ Which is apparently the closest Megumi wants to get to admitting that he cries, but... ]
[ Yuji always got the impression he wasn’t supposed to react like that, so when he was punished it was to get him back into ‘focus’… Or sometimes the crying would be ignored and they’d just keep going.
Slumping on the couch, he sighs. ]
Suguru-san hasn’t given me that many rules yet. He keeps asking me to do weird things like squeeze his hand, though.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
handshakes on brain fry
There's something about being taken to see your new dominant's best friend and his submissive that's a little intimidated, and knowing that Gojo-san and Fushiguro-kun have been together for a while might speak to the care they have for each other, it still makes him anxious. Nervous. Mahito took him out, of course, he wasn't locked away all the time, but it was always with the intention of sharing him, of having other people watch or see how good Yuji was at being submissive, a loss of agency he is only beginning to understand.
He doesn't think Suguru would do that to him, but there's still a chill of fear that burns through him until he's left alone with Fushiguro, and then it's just... Awkward. Yuji is stood, feeling like an idiot - because when was the last time he spoke to someone his own age, let alone someone who was also a submissive who might understand? Suguru had asked him to try his best, had said they could go if it was too much, but Yuji was determined to be the best he can in this new environment.
... Gojo-san's house is huge.
Suguru had said that he had shared a little of his past, but not all that much, and that's enough to make Yuji feel a little uncertain as he watches his dominant leave, staring after him longingly before he settles down on the couch, swallowing. The instinct to drop to his knees is still painful, but it's not like Fushiguro is a dominant, and it's not as if he has to follow anyone else's orders, not when Suguru had been so firm on the matter. It's just weird.
Bowing his head, he nods, trying for a smile. ]
Sure! It's been ages since I played, though, so you'll definitely kick my ass.
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[ And Megumi will take it easy, if only because it's no fun picking on someone who can't defend themselves – like smoking a dude in a race when he's terrible at Mario Kart.
Going over to his Switch, Megumi turns it on and plucks up two wireless controllers. He brings them to the couch, plopping down next to Yuji but without making any physical contact. ]
Here.
[ He offers the other boy one controller, direct without being forceful. ]
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When was the last time he had fun with someone his own age?
Nodding, he reaches and takes the controller, hesitating for a moment. His life has really been abnormal in comparison to that of other submissives, hasn't it? He can't even remember letting himself enjoy something as simple as a game. He didn't even have a phone until he moved in with Suguru.
Blinking, he stares at the television for a moment. ]
I'll need a reminder of the controls.
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Yuji was always denied that.
Megumi holds up his controller, demonstrating each button as he speaks. ]
A to accelerate, B button to brake, this thing to steer, and A is also jump. [ He tries to keep it simple as he navigates through the menus to pick the tutorial track.
And just so Yuji knows he isn't trapped with this: ]
We probably don't have to play for long, if you're not feeling it. They just want us to stay busy until they're done doing whatever.
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[ What do dominants even talk about? Yuji hadn't ever been allowed to be in the room when Mahito was talking to his friends, not unless he was cuffed, blindfolded and had his ears covered, but... Suguru had said that Gojo-san was his friend, so that must mean they're doing their own thing. Is that why he wants him to get along with Fushiguro? So that they can be good friends too?
He's not getting his hopes up, but it helps, just a little, to ease some of his nerves.
Nodding and settling into the game, Yuji sighs softly. ]
I don't know what to do when he's not around. He didn't give me those kinds of rules yet.
[ An insight into his mindset. ]
... Is it rude to ask how long you've been with Gojo-san?
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But Megumi is observant enough to take note of these tidbits about Yuji. He's not surprised Geto doesn't have rules for Yuji on downtime, given how much he's overheard the guy's snide comments about "society" and shit. Megumi gets it to a point. ]
Almost three years. [ His first and only placement. (He hopes.) And he adds, ] It's not rude.
[ Keeping his eyes on the game, Megumi chews on his own thoughts because he's bad at this part. The whole "making friends and talking to them" thing. ]
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That's almost as long as Yuji was with Mahito for, but things feel so different here. Megumi isn't on the floor, or chained, or paraded around for other people to look at. All the things that Yuji had imagined were completely normal for a relationship between a dominant and a submissive are missing from this house: no hooks, no spaces on the ground to sit, no commands given sharply before rooms are left.
It seems peaceful, and quiet, and happy, and to Yuji that feels... Strange, and uncomfortable to think about.
Was Mahito the strange one, or is it Gojo-san? He really can't tell.
Three years feels like such a long time. ]
Oh. Thanks. [ For the support. Not rude. Ah. ] Do... You're happy here?
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Megumi prickles on instinct, almost just for the reflexive dislike of anyone asking about how he feels, even something as simple as being happy at Gojo's. But it's a normal question, and it's weirdly easy to answer. ]
I... Yeah. [ He... is. He doesn't dread every day. He doesn't wake up feeling hopeless or resigned to the will of another person. As much as he exists in the strange space of having no more rights than Gojo allows, it doesn't feel that way. ]
I don't hate it. [ High praise in Megumi-speak.
He glances over at Yuji, trying not to stare. It feels weird to know some things about the submissive sitting next to him, but to also have no context of Yuji himself. ]
Geto's your second placement, right?
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He doesn't hate it, so that means he's happy.
Happy, in his first placement? Yuji assumes, at least... Is that normal?
He has no idea: what can he compare it to?
Blinking down at the controller in his hands, Yuji shifts a little. He doesn't mind answering the questions, but he feels a strange, gnawing guilt, as if somehow it's wrong to talk about this. As if it's wrong, to risk making other people sad for something stupid and pathetic, in his eyes. ]
Yeah, Suguru-san took me in after I was removed from the other one. I was there a few years.
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... Is it better so far?
[ Megumi doesn't know a lot about Geto, but he does know that the guy seems to be more in line with Gojo's practices than whatever Yuji had before. ]
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[ That's a hard question to answer.
Yuji is more comfortable, he's probably happier than he was in his old placement, but he's still on edge. He hasn't really had any kind of punishment yet and his anxious, waiting for it to happen. He's sure he's done things that should've earned him some kind of consequence now, disappointed Suguru in some way, but he hasn't seen anything like a sanction.
A part of him wonders if Suguru is really that soft, or if he really thinks Yuji is that desperately weak. As if he couldn't handle whatever he might give him. ]
I guess so. I don't really know how to compare these kinds of things. It's different from Mahito-sam- ah. The other place. The other guy.
[ Mahito-sama, who watched Yuji be taken away from his doorway and just smiled. ]
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What's different? [ It's a broad, invasive question, which maybe should mean it's something Megumi shouldn't ask after just meeting Yuji, but he wants to know.
But quickly seeming to think better of it, Megumi adds, ]
Don't answer, if you don't want to.
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I don't mind. I talked about it enough at the foster centre.
[ Sighing, he stares at the screen, not minding that he's losing by a lot. ]
There are a lot less rules, and Suguru-san listens to me when I say things. If I don't want to do something, we don't have to, and that's pretty weird... Sometimes I still feel bad, when it's obviously something he was excited about. And I haven't been punished yet, and he hasn't had any other dominants other either.
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One thing that really surprises him (much like it surprised Suguru) is the idea that Yuji would need to be punished all that often.
Frowning, Megumi glances over at Yuji. ]
What kind of stuff are you expecting to get punished for? [ Megumi gets punished plenty, but he's a mouthy brat – for sport and by nature. Sometimes he baits Gojo by refusing to obey, just to see how his dominant will react. But Yuji is... so obedient and submissive, almost painfully. What would he get punished for? ]
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At the time, he hadn't minded so much, but now... He has kind of an uncomfortable feeling about it all. ]
The usual stuff?
[ Lowering his hands, controller resting on his lap, he tilts his head. ]
Speaking without being told, not following the rules, not listening properly, crying, being too slow or too fast... Normal stuff.
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Megumi pauses the game, setting his own controller down, he's definitely focused on Yuji now. ]
Who the hell punishes someone for crying? [ He shakes his head, mouth twisted with displeasure. ]
But you were with him for years, right? And he just kept punishing you for that stuff all the time?
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[ The game is paused, and Yuji turns to look at Megumi without hesitation. Sure, he's starting to realise things were bad, but he hasn't quite realised just how bad they were. It's still dawning on him, in that sad, slow sort of way.
Megumi is making it seem... Worse, somehow. ]
Sure? If I kept doing things wrong, then I got punished. That's how this is meant to work, isn't it?
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[ Megumi is trying to piece together what Yuji said about Geto and the differences from the last placement. The picture everything paints is fucking grim, and maybe that means he should leave it alone, but...
... Maybe he should have more tact. Oops. ]
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[ Yuji watches Megumi for a moment, a weird, anxious feeling in his stomach.
Is he… Wrong about this…?
Shaking his head, he frowns. ]
I shouldn’t have cried.
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Crying is normal. [ Which is apparently the closest Megumi wants to get to admitting that he cries, but... ]
Does Geto say you're not supposed to cry?
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[ Yuji always got the impression he wasn’t supposed to react like that, so when he was punished it was to get him back into ‘focus’… Or sometimes the crying would be ignored and they’d just keep going.
Slumping on the couch, he sighs. ]
Suguru-san hasn’t given me that many rules yet. He keeps asking me to do weird things like squeeze his hand, though.
[ Like a safe signal… ]
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[ And Yuji finds that weird? Fuck. ]
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[ Yuji, thinking Megumi is on his wavelength here. ]
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[ A dominant is supposed to always give their submissive a way to communicate if the verbal avenue is no longer available. ]
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[ Yuji just… Stares at Megumi for a moment, feeling like he’s totally missed something. He’s been so well trained, how could he…? ]
I… I’ve never done that.
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