the aus ruining our life

[eyescar]

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[eyescar]

[ Yuji is starting to get the idea that the things he experienced before Suguru are not the usual things that a submissive ought to go through. When he had spoken about it to the counsellors, they'd always written down a lot of notes and asked him questions about how he felt about it, if he felt okay, if he wanted a new dominant.

At the time, he hadn't minded so much, but now... He has kind of an uncomfortable feeling about it all. ]

The usual stuff?

[ Lowering his hands, controller resting on his lap, he tilts his head. ]

Speaking without being told, not following the rules, not listening properly, crying, being too slow or too fast... Normal stuff.

[gyokukenkon]

[ "Usual stuff." "Normal stuff."

Megumi pauses the game, setting his own controller down, he's definitely focused on Yuji now. ]

Who the hell punishes someone for crying? [ He shakes his head, mouth twisted with displeasure. ]

But you were with him for years, right? And he just kept punishing you for that stuff all the time?

[eyescar]

A bit over two years? Since I was sixteen.

[ The game is paused, and Yuji turns to look at Megumi without hesitation. Sure, he's starting to realise things were bad, but he hasn't quite realised just how bad they were. It's still dawning on him, in that sad, slow sort of way.

Megumi is making it seem... Worse, somehow. ]

Sure? If I kept doing things wrong, then I got punished. That's how this is meant to work, isn't it?

[gyokukenkon]

Yeah, but are you trying to act out? If he didn't listen to you when you didn't want to do things and then punished you when you cried, how's that your fault?

[ Megumi is trying to piece together what Yuji said about Geto and the differences from the last placement. The picture everything paints is fucking grim, and maybe that means he should leave it alone, but...

... Maybe he should have more tact. Oops. ]

[eyescar]

I wasn’t trying to do anything, but he didn’t like it and it was one of those sorts of rules, so…

[ Yuji watches Megumi for a moment, a weird, anxious feeling in his stomach.

Is he… Wrong about this…?

Shaking his head, he frowns. ]

I shouldn’t have cried.

[gyokukenkon]

[ Megumi can't help but compare it to his own life with Gojo. If anything, his dominant seems to like when Megumi cries; depending on the context, Gojo seems to find it adorable rather than obnoxious. But aside from that, it's not something Megumi can control, especially not in the middle of an intense scene, and he's never even heard a single whisper about punishment for crying. Sometimes, punishment goes until he cries – if that's the goal. ]

Crying is normal. [ Which is apparently the closest Megumi wants to get to admitting that he cries, but... ]

Does Geto say you're not supposed to cry?

[eyescar]

Is it?

[ Yuji always got the impression he wasn’t supposed to react like that, so when he was punished it was to get him back into ‘focus’… Or sometimes the crying would be ignored and they’d just keep going.

Slumping on the couch, he sighs. ]

Suguru-san hasn’t given me that many rules yet. He keeps asking me to do weird things like squeeze his hand, though.

[ Like a safe signal… ]

[gyokukenkon]

... You mean when you can't talk?

[ And Yuji finds that weird? Fuck. ]

[eyescar]

Yeah, exactly.

[ Yuji, thinking Megumi is on his wavelength here. ]

[gyokukenkon]

Yeah, that's what he's supposed to do.

[ A dominant is supposed to always give their submissive a way to communicate if the verbal avenue is no longer available. ]

[eyescar]

What?

[ Yuji just… Stares at Megumi for a moment, feeling like he’s totally missed something. He’s been so well trained, how could he…? ]

I… I’ve never done that.

[gyokukenkon]

Dominants are always supposed to give us a way out in a scene – and if you can't talk, you're supposed to have another option.

[ Megumi stares right back at Yuji, baffled and a little angry because this feels... basic. Or maybe it was just basic because he's been in Gojo's house for so long? But he knows Geto is the same way, so... The confusion in Megumi's head is a weird soup, but none of it is directed at Yuji. ]

And nobody ever told you? Him or any other dominants he brought around?

[eyescar]

… No?

[ Yuji frowns, tilting his head, arms crossing over his body defensively. This is starting to feel as uncomfortable as talking about ‘limits’ had felt with Suguru-san to begin with… Ah, well… ]

Ma- he would decide when things were over, as the dominant.

[gyokukenkon]

But you know that's not okay now, right?

[ Right??? ]

[eyescar]

I guess?

[ Yuji rubs his chin, as if deep in thought. ]

Suguru-san said we had to use those, and safe words too, so...

[gyokukenkon]

[ Thank fuck... ]

That's how every dominant is supposed to act. That's kind of their Basics 101.

[ Whether or not every dominant in society does the same is another matter. ]

[eyescar]

I'd never heard of it before Suguru-san took me in.

[ :) ]

[gyokukenkon]

[ Megumi's eye gives a small twitch. Who the fuck is this guy that Yuji was with before and what the hell is he doing to his subs? He doesn't have another one, right? ]

Then the last guy was a huge asshole. [ Bluntly, not even caring that he's talking about a dominant. ]

And he shouldn't have been treating you or anybody like that.

[eyescar]

An asshole...? He was a good teacher, though...

[ If training Yuji to deal with all the kinks in the world without complaining is 'good' training... ]

I'm well-trained now.

[gyokukenkon]

What does that even mean?

[ Well-trained for what? ]

[eyescar]

Anything a dominant wants? My training log is this thick.

[ Holding his fingers out to an alarming width. ]

[gyokukenkon]

[ Megumi can't help the way his eyes bug out of his head for a second. HELLO? ]

And it's all stuff you're into?

[ Maybe... Yuji just has a ton of kinks??? ]

[eyescar]

Into?

[ Like... Enjoys? Yuji blinks, leaning back on the couch and tilting his head. ]

It's all fine...? It's whatever.

[gyokukenkon]

[ Fuck. ]

The point of placements is that you're supposed to end up with a dominant who's into the stuff you're into – or who's gonna help you figure that out. If you weren't getting off on it, you're not obligated to be doing it all the time.

[ At least, that's what Megumi was taught. ]

[eyescar]

I did, though?

[ Is it embarrassing to tell a practical stranger that you orgasmed with a dominant who definitely pushed you a lot? Yuji rubs the back of his head. ]

It happened almost every time.