[ Yuji is there already - thank you, panic and supernatural speed combined - and he lifts his hand to wave when he sees Nanami, trying not to look nervous. He brightens at seeing the shirt and tie, though. ]
[ Yuji deflates a little, but he tries to hide it, tucking it away before he steps inside. ]
Let's get a table near the back, in that case.
[ If he's going to be scolded, he'd rather it happen in private... He leads Nanami in, greets the staff and takes a seat; it won't take him long to order, just getting some simple noodles. ]
[ Ah, he sees that deflating and feels guilty. But he can't continue to put too much extra pressure on Yuji after all that he's been through. It's only going to cause more burdens. Nanami remains a little withdrawn, patiently waiting until Yuji's request for noodles is in along with a single coffee for himself.
And in the back table of the restaurant, Nanami folds his hands in front of him and sighs. ]
If there is anything else you want, you can request it. It's my treat.
[ He hums softly, a flat note of discomfort but agreement nonetheless. ]
Very well. Itadori-kun, Kugisaki...san and I were discussing what you three will be doing here. [ He's getting more uncomfortable and stiff since Nobara told him he could drop the honorifics--and he definitely doesn't feel right doing that. ]
It's not my place to interfere with whatever you decide, but I think you should try to continue your studies. Even outside of your training, education is still important. She told me to ask you both directly what you want to do.
[ Yuji had thought there was going to be a serious problem, like he had done something really badly wrong, somehow, so this... Is kind of a relief. ]
That makes sense. I don't know if there is any kind of school here, or if they'll even let us go with our jobs and everything, but I'd like to do something to keep learning here. We didn't really do a lot of lessons at home with everything that happened.
Kugisaki-san agreed to tutoring if the two of you attended.
[ He's the one deflating now, because this feels wrong in every way, but Nanami feels responsible for them. ]
I'm not a teacher, but if it's regarding your future, I suppose in a way I'm still partially responsible for giving you opportunities where I can.
[ And Yuji did leave that in the little note. Nanami is trying very hard not to end up hurting Yuji with too much attachment, especially after what happened, but he also feels guilty for accepting gifts from Yuji without reciprocating. This is a serious dilemma for him. ]
If you and Fushiguro-kun don't object, then I can stand in until we find a better replacement...
[ This counts as helping, right? Without leaving too much of a mark on him. ]
[ Yuji watches him for a moment. What he wants from this place is for Nanami to find some kind of peace, to find some kind of happiness, but... Would this make him happy, or would it just be more work for him?
He had promised to carry Nanami's share of pain and suffering, carry his burdens. Would he be easing them with this, or causing more issues?
He stares at the table for a moment, thoughtful. ]
I'd be happy to learn things from you, Nanamin, if that's what you really want. But if it's going to be a lot of trouble for you then we should find someone else.
[ He pauses, looking at Yuji with a reserved frown. What does he want? It isn't fair to ask that. What he wants is quiet and a boring, peaceful life. He wants sleep. And to have the opportunity not to think about all the weight and pain that exist and that they have to bear. That's what most people want, right?
Except he doesn't. Not entirely, at least. Looking across the table, what he wants to say is that he really wants Yuji to live a good life, to be happy, and to be able to move forward without any regret left. And he can't give Yuji that. He can do a lot for him, but he can't remove the world of regrets. But maybe he can work with him, piece by piece, to remove a little of something--the damage he knows was done already. By all of them, leaving those emotionally scars.
Hopefully this is the right thing. He's still breathing, so he can't just go back on it. ]
When are you trouble for me? Since we are here, it's better that we remain in contact and learn as much as we can. If it's not schooling, then at least trading information is vital.
[ For a long moment, Yuji just watches Nanami, as if evaluating the situation, before he breathes out slowly.
Being here is going to be intense, going to be dangerous - they're going to do missions and fight monsters, that's what LILITH wants them to do, and he can do that. Trying to do it while he also does what he can to make sure Nanami is alright, that Kugisaki is fine, that Fushiguro is the same... That's the responsibility he's chosen to handle. The idea of Nanami taking on more burdens isn't something he had ever wanted, and he immediately regrets the way he had cried when they'd first seen each other again.
All he does is cause the people around him problems; Yuji deflates a little, shaking his head. ]
We can remain in contact and share information without you having to tutor us. There must be some kind of school system we can get access to, and if not I can ask about it.
[ His hands drop to his lap, and he plays with the edge of his hoodie idly. ]
Your spare time should be for you to enjoy however you want. Not taking care of us.
[ He doesn't often feel judged. Even by Gojo, who Nanami is never entirely sure he can follow. The man's thought processes are well beyond his line of reasoning, but even still, it's hard to make Nanami feel the weight of being assessed by anyone. He's his own judge first.
But he feels it when Yuji watches him. He can see the deliberation, feel the way the young man works out what to do about him--and he's proud of that look. Despite himself, he feels that swell of warmth that seems like it pulls away the tension. Even when Yuji deflates in front of him, Nanami feels more at ease. ]
It wouldn't be so bad, would it?
[ He's half musing to himself, thinking out loud against the strange shift in pressure he's not used to feeling. He doesn't even realize at the moment that it isn't a weight, but the lack of weight that he's experiencing. It's just different enough to be unfamiliar and confusing. The realization will come later. ]
If you need a teacher anyway, it would make more sense to start from a familiar point, and sorcerers will understand other sorcerers better than anyone else. I would rather make sure you aren't learning anything inappropriate anyway. There are too many eyes in the city to be sure you aren't being monitored by someone else.
If I could pick anyone to have as a teacher you know I would pick you, Nanamin.
[ Maybe even over Gojo-sensei sometimes, because as powerful and strong as Gojo is, he's 1) not here and 2) poor with explanations sometimes. There were things Gojo would be able to help him develop more, but there's no denying that Nanami did his fair share in a short amount of time too. Yuji had learned a lot from them both, but that learning took different shapes.
Looking over, he smiles softly, feeling that bubble of warmth inside of him. Nanami isn't like other people who show they care with obvious words. He's a little more like Fushiguro, showing it with actions and what they choose to do with their time. ]
If this is what you want to do, then I'll be happy. But if it gets too much or you need a break, you need to tell us, okay? I know all three of us together are a lot to handle.
[ Even if Gojo-sensei matched their energy most of the time... ]
I want to spend time with you too, Nanamin. As much as you'll let me.
You should pick your instructors based on their actual knowledge and qualifications, Itadori-kun.
[ He's definitely not trained to be a teacher, and if it's knowledge of jujutsu techniques, he knows there are also more qualified people for that. But for basics, for foundations, and maybe for something else that the other instructors lack (he won't name what that is), Nanami thinks that maybe there really was a reason Gojo had turned to him. He had thought their strongest had been pawning Yuji off a little at the time, doing what Gojo often does, but did he actually know how much the young man would come to mean to him? Trust your senior. Had he already seen it then? Nanami had wanted to avoid the actual teaching aspect of work, but that also feels like another lifetime. Another piece of him left behind in the station. ]
However, they say teaching is one of the best ways to learn. I want you to receive actual instruction and not ignore all aspects of this life, so I can also train as we go, as long as you accept that.
[ He says it seriously, so that he can't hear the beating of his own heart. This isn't the time to let those simple, kind words affect him. Nanami realizes that he misses his sunglasses now, but instead of trying to hide his face, he breathes, in and out, slowly. ]
In any case, I hardly think you three can be more challenging than defeating curse spirits. Please don't learn from your previous instructor and underestimate me.
You worked in an office, right? So that must mean you have some good qualifications or they wouldn't hire you.
[ Take that, Nanami!
The issue is, of course, that Yuji has the emotional investment. If he had to pick someone to spend time with, to trust in to train him, then he would pick the person he trusts most in the world. Nanami is wise, and brave, and an incredibly good sorcerer, so what else could he want? Maybe he should be finding out how to do things like read English or do sciences with other people, but Nanami's definitely the one he'd turn to for help with homework anyway.
Nodding his head, he leans back in his chair, trying not to sigh. He doesn't want to keep offering more and more burdens, but... ]
I'm not underestimating you at all. I saw what you were able to do in... In Shibuya, Nanamin, and I know you're strong. I know you're pretty determined, too. I just don't...
[ He hesitates, then pauses, then glances up, finally. ]
I don't want our relationship to feel like a job to you. Like work.
[ He doesn't bother to argue the differences between office work and education. Not for this particular moment. Yuji's emotional investment is an understood truth, and Nanami is well aware that trying to pick every fight over minor details is only going to work against him in the end. Yuji's enthusiasm is refreshing. It reminds him of better times, something he had put behind him.
And he's not Gojo. He knows there's simply no comparison, not just in strength, but in the energy they all have. He will never match that. It's a separation he never wanted to bridge. ]
"Pretty determined."
[ He raises his eyebrow, giving Yuji a look that clearly says he is taking that as a backhanded compliment. But there's no anger in his expression. If anything, he's fighting a smile, because he can't allow that to take root. Even after going through so much loss and suffering, somehow Yuji is still the same as ever, bright and determined. Innocent when he shouldn't be. Only he would still be able to worry about whether Nanami might be treating him as just a job after everything he lived through. If he smiles now, like this, then it really might end up holding Yuji back later. ]
Why are you worried about that? You've dealt with other instructors, and despite what they may say, they treat their work as work. Even the ones who like to play too much.
[ They are always working. That's what they do. He does understand Yuji's point, though, and Nanami sighs a little. ]
[ He fought so many curses alone and that's impressive. Yuji was still holding back a little against the things Mahito made, still not wanting to hurt other people or steal their lives from them, but when Mahito took Nanami and Kugisaki from him in a span of ten minutes... He lost that rationality. He would do anything for the people he cares about, and there's no denying that it meant pushing himself to a whole new level, to new limits.
He was a threat, and he knew it. He would have killed Mahito in Shibuya if he'd been allowed to. ]
I know, but...
[ The question makes him jerk his head up, and for a moment he feels a little voiceless. Does he trust him? Of course he does - that was never in doubt, and the fact that Nanami even feels the need to ask makes him ache a little. He's just concerned that Nanami is somehow wasting his second life here, but... ]
I trust you, Nanamin. With anything, no matter what.
[ It's strange, seeing Yuji now and knowing the change between them. It's so simple, just right in front of him: he's good, but he's no longer at the level to match Itadori Yuji. Just like that, and the difference is there. Nanami shouldn't be alive to see it--he had been content to let go--but now that he is, it almost feels like he's looking at yet another Gojo, someone he also trusts but can't reach. Only Yuji is being careful with him, and Nanami can see that. ]
You can trust me with this.
[ Even if he's falling back in on the same feeling as before, even if he can't stop himself from trying to protect people in front of him regardless of his own life.
Even if he's doing something he doesn't love to do.
He's just not the type of person to worry about his own needs or wishes if there's still work to be done. Yuji is trying to give him back a gift he already surrendered a long time ago, and to Nanami daydreaming about lost time is a wonderful but ultimately intangible fantasy. Things that he wanted, even things he still wants--they are all pointless if he can't live with himself first. The future he dreamed of was already handed over to Yuji himself with a blessing from someone he never met but who would have loved him. Nanami just has to get him there. ]
I choose this. Because it's work that I can do and because you should have it. It's the adult's responsibility as the one who goes first to take care of those that follow, not the other way around. This is my job, and it's one I accepted as a personal request. It has nothing to do with official work.
[ It was never really about what the rest of the jujutsu world wanted to begin with. He just needed to see Yuji properly guided forward with the support they had never felt. ]
Itadori-kun, if I don't do this, what else will I do?
[ Maybe things would be easier for them all if they weren't expected to fight - Yuji would be able to urge Nanami to find some kind of quiet contemplation, something to fill his time that wasn't taking care of them and fulfilling some role he shouldn't have to do. Yuji doesn't like the idea of continuing to cause Nanami problems, or demanding too much of him, but...
Yuji wishes he could reach over and take all those bad feelings away from the man in front of him. After everything that happened in Shibuya, hadn't he earned it? The same doesn't apply to himself, not really - Yuji has never for a moment thought that he had earned some kind of peace. The problems he's caused by simply existing are far too much to ever expect anything like that, but Nanami...
You've got it from here.
Nanami had entrusted his burdens, his suffering, his legacy to Yuji, and he didn't want to squander that. He didn't want any of it to go to waste. ]
I'll accept it, because it's something you want to do.
[ Even if he feels responsible, in a way other adults in the school might never feel, especially for someone like Yuji. ]
I'd like you to do anything you want to do, but I know we're trapped here. You can't go anywhere else, but... You can read here, or see movies, or make friends and spend time with them. I want to spend as much time with you as possible, Nanamin, but I also want you to be happy.
[ His hands are on the table now, and if it was anyone else he might reach out - if it was Fushiguro or Kugisaki he definitely would - but there are limits to what Nanami might accept, even from someone like Yuji who pushes his limits. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Anywhere is fine. Let me know and I can meet you.
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Pick one that isn't too crowded. Something you want to eat.
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[ He sends a little pin for a small restaurant not too far away. ]
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Are you free now?
[ Might as well get this done. ]
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[Precisely. Exactly. And that's all he has to say about it before he does show up wearing his new gifts. It's nice to feel more human.
He still looks serious, though.]
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Yo!
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Thank you for agreeing. If you want to, we can order first. I have something I need to talk to you about.
[ His expression darkens just a bit, but he brushes that off. ]
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Let's get a table near the back, in that case.
[ If he's going to be scolded, he'd rather it happen in private... He leads Nanami in, greets the staff and takes a seat; it won't take him long to order, just getting some simple noodles. ]
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And in the back table of the restaurant, Nanami folds his hands in front of him and sighs. ]
If there is anything else you want, you can request it. It's my treat.
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[ Yuji watches him for a moment, carefully, before he tilts his head. After a moment, he purses his lips. ]
You can tell me now. Whatever you have to say.
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Very well. Itadori-kun, Kugisaki...san and I were discussing what you three will be doing here. [ He's getting more uncomfortable and stiff since Nobara told him he could drop the honorifics--and he definitely doesn't feel right doing that. ]
It's not my place to interfere with whatever you decide, but I think you should try to continue your studies. Even outside of your training, education is still important. She told me to ask you both directly what you want to do.
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[ Yuji had thought there was going to be a serious problem, like he had done something really badly wrong, somehow, so this... Is kind of a relief. ]
That makes sense. I don't know if there is any kind of school here, or if they'll even let us go with our jobs and everything, but I'd like to do something to keep learning here. We didn't really do a lot of lessons at home with everything that happened.
[ Thanks, Shibuya and Culling Game... ]
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[ He's the one deflating now, because this feels wrong in every way, but Nanami feels responsible for them. ]
I'm not a teacher, but if it's regarding your future, I suppose in a way I'm still partially responsible for giving you opportunities where I can.
[ And Yuji did leave that in the little note. Nanami is trying very hard not to end up hurting Yuji with too much attachment, especially after what happened, but he also feels guilty for accepting gifts from Yuji without reciprocating. This is a serious dilemma for him. ]
If you and Fushiguro-kun don't object, then I can stand in until we find a better replacement...
[ This counts as helping, right? Without leaving too much of a mark on him. ]
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[ Yuji watches him for a moment. What he wants from this place is for Nanami to find some kind of peace, to find some kind of happiness, but... Would this make him happy, or would it just be more work for him?
He had promised to carry Nanami's share of pain and suffering, carry his burdens. Would he be easing them with this, or causing more issues?
He stares at the table for a moment, thoughtful. ]
I'd be happy to learn things from you, Nanamin, if that's what you really want. But if it's going to be a lot of trouble for you then we should find someone else.
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Except he doesn't. Not entirely, at least. Looking across the table, what he wants to say is that he really wants Yuji to live a good life, to be happy, and to be able to move forward without any regret left. And he can't give Yuji that. He can do a lot for him, but he can't remove the world of regrets. But maybe he can work with him, piece by piece, to remove a little of something--the damage he knows was done already. By all of them, leaving those emotionally scars.
Hopefully this is the right thing. He's still breathing, so he can't just go back on it. ]
When are you trouble for me? Since we are here, it's better that we remain in contact and learn as much as we can. If it's not schooling, then at least trading information is vital.
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Being here is going to be intense, going to be dangerous - they're going to do missions and fight monsters, that's what LILITH wants them to do, and he can do that. Trying to do it while he also does what he can to make sure Nanami is alright, that Kugisaki is fine, that Fushiguro is the same... That's the responsibility he's chosen to handle. The idea of Nanami taking on more burdens isn't something he had ever wanted, and he immediately regrets the way he had cried when they'd first seen each other again.
All he does is cause the people around him problems; Yuji deflates a little, shaking his head. ]
We can remain in contact and share information without you having to tutor us. There must be some kind of school system we can get access to, and if not I can ask about it.
[ His hands drop to his lap, and he plays with the edge of his hoodie idly. ]
Your spare time should be for you to enjoy however you want. Not taking care of us.
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But he feels it when Yuji watches him. He can see the deliberation, feel the way the young man works out what to do about him--and he's proud of that look. Despite himself, he feels that swell of warmth that seems like it pulls away the tension. Even when Yuji deflates in front of him, Nanami feels more at ease. ]
It wouldn't be so bad, would it?
[ He's half musing to himself, thinking out loud against the strange shift in pressure he's not used to feeling. He doesn't even realize at the moment that it isn't a weight, but the lack of weight that he's experiencing. It's just different enough to be unfamiliar and confusing. The realization will come later. ]
If you need a teacher anyway, it would make more sense to start from a familiar point, and sorcerers will understand other sorcerers better than anyone else. I would rather make sure you aren't learning anything inappropriate anyway. There are too many eyes in the city to be sure you aren't being monitored by someone else.
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[ Maybe even over Gojo-sensei sometimes, because as powerful and strong as Gojo is, he's 1) not here and 2) poor with explanations sometimes. There were things Gojo would be able to help him develop more, but there's no denying that Nanami did his fair share in a short amount of time too. Yuji had learned a lot from them both, but that learning took different shapes.
Looking over, he smiles softly, feeling that bubble of warmth inside of him. Nanami isn't like other people who show they care with obvious words. He's a little more like Fushiguro, showing it with actions and what they choose to do with their time. ]
If this is what you want to do, then I'll be happy. But if it gets too much or you need a break, you need to tell us, okay? I know all three of us together are a lot to handle.
[ Even if Gojo-sensei matched their energy most of the time... ]
I want to spend time with you too, Nanamin. As much as you'll let me.
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[ He's definitely not trained to be a teacher, and if it's knowledge of jujutsu techniques, he knows there are also more qualified people for that. But for basics, for foundations, and maybe for something else that the other instructors lack (he won't name what that is), Nanami thinks that maybe there really was a reason Gojo had turned to him. He had thought their strongest had been pawning Yuji off a little at the time, doing what Gojo often does, but did he actually know how much the young man would come to mean to him? Trust your senior. Had he already seen it then? Nanami had wanted to avoid the actual teaching aspect of work, but that also feels like another lifetime. Another piece of him left behind in the station. ]
However, they say teaching is one of the best ways to learn. I want you to receive actual instruction and not ignore all aspects of this life, so I can also train as we go, as long as you accept that.
[ He says it seriously, so that he can't hear the beating of his own heart. This isn't the time to let those simple, kind words affect him. Nanami realizes that he misses his sunglasses now, but instead of trying to hide his face, he breathes, in and out, slowly. ]
In any case, I hardly think you three can be more challenging than defeating curse spirits. Please don't learn from your previous instructor and underestimate me.
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[ Take that, Nanami!
The issue is, of course, that Yuji has the emotional investment. If he had to pick someone to spend time with, to trust in to train him, then he would pick the person he trusts most in the world. Nanami is wise, and brave, and an incredibly good sorcerer, so what else could he want? Maybe he should be finding out how to do things like read English or do sciences with other people, but Nanami's definitely the one he'd turn to for help with homework anyway.
Nodding his head, he leans back in his chair, trying not to sigh. He doesn't want to keep offering more and more burdens, but... ]
I'm not underestimating you at all. I saw what you were able to do in... In Shibuya, Nanamin, and I know you're strong. I know you're pretty determined, too. I just don't...
[ He hesitates, then pauses, then glances up, finally. ]
I don't want our relationship to feel like a job to you. Like work.
[ Because work is shit, right? ]
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And he's not Gojo. He knows there's simply no comparison, not just in strength, but in the energy they all have. He will never match that. It's a separation he never wanted to bridge. ]
"Pretty determined."
[ He raises his eyebrow, giving Yuji a look that clearly says he is taking that as a backhanded compliment. But there's no anger in his expression. If anything, he's fighting a smile, because he can't allow that to take root. Even after going through so much loss and suffering, somehow Yuji is still the same as ever, bright and determined. Innocent when he shouldn't be. Only he would still be able to worry about whether Nanami might be treating him as just a job after everything he lived through. If he smiles now, like this, then it really might end up holding Yuji back later. ]
Why are you worried about that? You've dealt with other instructors, and despite what they may say, they treat their work as work. Even the ones who like to play too much.
[ They are always working. That's what they do. He does understand Yuji's point, though, and Nanami sighs a little. ]
Do you trust me?
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[ He fought so many curses alone and that's impressive. Yuji was still holding back a little against the things Mahito made, still not wanting to hurt other people or steal their lives from them, but when Mahito took Nanami and Kugisaki from him in a span of ten minutes... He lost that rationality. He would do anything for the people he cares about, and there's no denying that it meant pushing himself to a whole new level, to new limits.
He was a threat, and he knew it. He would have killed Mahito in Shibuya if he'd been allowed to. ]
I know, but...
[ The question makes him jerk his head up, and for a moment he feels a little voiceless. Does he trust him? Of course he does - that was never in doubt, and the fact that Nanami even feels the need to ask makes him ache a little. He's just concerned that Nanami is somehow wasting his second life here, but... ]
I trust you, Nanamin. With anything, no matter what.
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You can trust me with this.
[ Even if he's falling back in on the same feeling as before, even if he can't stop himself from trying to protect people in front of him regardless of his own life.
Even if he's doing something he doesn't love to do.
He's just not the type of person to worry about his own needs or wishes if there's still work to be done. Yuji is trying to give him back a gift he already surrendered a long time ago, and to Nanami daydreaming about lost time is a wonderful but ultimately intangible fantasy. Things that he wanted, even things he still wants--they are all pointless if he can't live with himself first. The future he dreamed of was already handed over to Yuji himself with a blessing from someone he never met but who would have loved him. Nanami just has to get him there. ]
I choose this. Because it's work that I can do and because you should have it. It's the adult's responsibility as the one who goes first to take care of those that follow, not the other way around. This is my job, and it's one I accepted as a personal request. It has nothing to do with official work.
[ It was never really about what the rest of the jujutsu world wanted to begin with. He just needed to see Yuji properly guided forward with the support they had never felt. ]
Itadori-kun, if I don't do this, what else will I do?
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Yuji wishes he could reach over and take all those bad feelings away from the man in front of him. After everything that happened in Shibuya, hadn't he earned it? The same doesn't apply to himself, not really - Yuji has never for a moment thought that he had earned some kind of peace. The problems he's caused by simply existing are far too much to ever expect anything like that, but Nanami...
You've got it from here.
Nanami had entrusted his burdens, his suffering, his legacy to Yuji, and he didn't want to squander that. He didn't want any of it to go to waste. ]
I'll accept it, because it's something you want to do.
[ Even if he feels responsible, in a way other adults in the school might never feel, especially for someone like Yuji. ]
I'd like you to do anything you want to do, but I know we're trapped here. You can't go anywhere else, but... You can read here, or see movies, or make friends and spend time with them. I want to spend as much time with you as possible, Nanamin, but I also want you to be happy.
[ His hands are on the table now, and if it was anyone else he might reach out - if it was Fushiguro or Kugisaki he definitely would - but there are limits to what Nanami might accept, even from someone like Yuji who pushes his limits. ]
More than anything, I want you to be happy.
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