I think Gojo-sensei is trying his best, but I also think he's probably at least a little sad. He didn't get to beat Sukuna, and he didn't get to see Megumi be saved. But maybe he's happy that he was able to have that kind of fight?
[ He sighs. ]
Sensei always acts really happy, so it's hard to tell what he's actually thinking.
He did that when we were younger too. ( He knows better now, he thinks. He doesn't take it at face value as much. But. ) It used to make me angry. How flippant he'd be. It didn't feel fair. That nothing could touch him.
( That Geto felt like he couldn't. )
I was wrong. I know that now. But things were happening back then that neither of us had a handle on. I wish I'd been there.
( The last bit comes out a little too fervent, air through his teeth. He should have been there. What was it all for, in the end? What good did he do? They should have been the strongest - instead Geto took it all and threw it away. )
[ Yuji breathes out, tears prickling at his eyes again. ]
I really thought he would win. We spent so long trying to free Gojo-sensei from the prison realm so that we could fight together, and he was the strongest that there'd ever been. If Gojo-sensei wasn't able to do it, then...
[ Yuji's voice breaks, just a little. ]
How is someone else meant to? [ A huff of noise, something like a garbled, sad sigh. ] He really should've killed me to begin with, then Sukuna wouldn't have been this kind of a problem.
( He stops walking, turns to Itadori. For a moment there's something unreadable on his expression, but then he's reaching out with his free hand, broad palm on his shoulder. )
He believed in you. He still believes in you. The way he talks about you, Itadori, there's nothing in him that doesn't. He saw enough in you to risk it, and I don't think it was the wrong call. Not at all. It will be hard, and it will take more from you than you'd like, but you'll do it.
( He knows it might, so he can't tell the boy not to die. But there has to be an end to all of it, doesn't there? That senseless loss cannot continue. Not with so many dead. ) And I hope that whatever happens, you get to come back. Satoru would be devastated were he to lose you. Now Nanami too.
( His hand lifts, thumb pressing briefly between his brows before he presses the cold of his can there instead. It's just a momentary action, Geto drops it to drink something fizzy in the next instance. )
I thought not knowing things would be better. What can I do now? I can't change any of it. I'm dead, what has the rest of it to do with me? ( His tone is even, careful. He's not laying any of the blame at Itadori's feet. It's mostly an explanation. ) But it finds me eventually, doesn't it? And knowing I have no place in it doesn't make it hurt any less. Because I should have a place in it.
( He should have been there. He should have stayed. Not because his feelings have changed, but because he had friends. He had loved ones. He has done nothing to protect him. )
I can't change it either, and that... I hate it, I hate it, Geto-san, because I can't do anything to help anyone else.
[ Yuji closes his eyes, forcing himself to breathe in and out before he manages to find some kind of strength inside himself, to push the pieces together. He hadn't been able to do anything to protect the people he loves, and that kills him. ]
( The boy is too hard on himself. Geto already knows that. And while he doesn't have the details it's easy to imagine how difficult it all must have been. )
It sounds like you were fighting hard, Itadori-kun. And no one expects Satoru to be taken off the battleground. You were left wrongfooted. What happened after that?
[ Yuji, who has a little more context now, feels the strange twist of discomfort inside of him. It's not like he dislikes the idea of there being a romance between them (Geto has grown on him!) but it's that odd feeling of your parents doing something gross or romantic.
He's never felt that before, obviously, orphan as he is, but he thinks this might be how it felt. ]
Maybe. But we were strong enough, so... We trained. And Okkotsu-senpai went to fight Kenjaku and Gojo-sensei went to fight Sukuna. [ A breath. ] In Megumi's body. Not mine.
( He'd met the boy once, though both Itadori and Gojo have mentioned him. That makes Geto even more disquiet somehow. How many times will there be bodies his friend cared for used against him? He raised the boy, didn't he? He might act callous, but he knows he isn't.
... Was that how Kenjaku caught him too? Could it have been something other than rage that stilled Gojo? No. )
[ He feels - stupid, every time he thinks about it. It makes him miserable, no matter how much other people have forgiven him, even though Megumi himself has forgiven him. It makes him want to rip his own hair out. ]
We all watched it. I think Gojo-sensei liked it, knowing we were cheering him on.
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[ Yuji pauses for a moment, thoughtful. ]
I think Gojo-sensei is trying his best, but I also think he's probably at least a little sad. He didn't get to beat Sukuna, and he didn't get to see Megumi be saved. But maybe he's happy that he was able to have that kind of fight?
[ He sighs. ]
Sensei always acts really happy, so it's hard to tell what he's actually thinking.
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( That Geto felt like he couldn't. )
I was wrong. I know that now. But things were happening back then that neither of us had a handle on. I wish I'd been there.
( The last bit comes out a little too fervent, air through his teeth. He should have been there. What was it all for, in the end? What good did he do? They should have been the strongest - instead Geto took it all and threw it away. )
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[ Yuji breathes out, tears prickling at his eyes again. ]
I really thought he would win. We spent so long trying to free Gojo-sensei from the prison realm so that we could fight together, and he was the strongest that there'd ever been. If Gojo-sensei wasn't able to do it, then...
[ Yuji's voice breaks, just a little. ]
How is someone else meant to? [ A huff of noise, something like a garbled, sad sigh. ] He really should've killed me to begin with, then Sukuna wouldn't have been this kind of a problem.
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He believed in you. He still believes in you. The way he talks about you, Itadori, there's nothing in him that doesn't. He saw enough in you to risk it, and I don't think it was the wrong call. Not at all. It will be hard, and it will take more from you than you'd like, but you'll do it.
( He squeezes that shoulder, tired but sure. )
You will win.
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[ Yuji bows his head, closing his eyes and swallowing back that weird lump of grief inside of him, the one that’s been there for months. ]
I’ll give it everything I have, even if it’s not enough. I’ve been ready to die for months now, so I’ll do whatever it takes. I want it to be enough.
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( He knows it might, so he can't tell the boy not to die. But there has to be an end to all of it, doesn't there? That senseless loss cannot continue. Not with so many dead. ) And I hope that whatever happens, you get to come back. Satoru would be devastated were he to lose you. Now Nanami too.
( And Geto, still holding on to his shoulder. )
You're very brave.
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[ Yuji laughs a little, soft and a little hollow. ]
All the people I love most have died, and they’re all alive here. Why wouldn’t I want to stay?
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( It feels almost like a limbo. He can't quite push it into the realm of a second chance yet. )
You deserve a chance at a life, you deserve to grow old and loved.
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[ He laughs softly. ]
It’s silly to hope for something like that.
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( Or if it is, he's just as silly. What he wouldn't give for his daughters to be here, for Shoko, for Haibara. He understands Itadori's longing. )
That's just being alive, isn't it? We want those we love around us. Maybe they will. Nanami came back, didn't he? You said he went. So there's hope.
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[ Yuji bows his head. ]
All I want is for them to be happy. That’s all I want.
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( It's a weight, he knows. But he's also very much aware of how Itadori feels about himself. Anything to encourage life is good. )
That's what matters the most.
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[ Yuji sighs. Is it worth it, if he's the only one left?
He's not sure. ]
Do you want to ask about it?
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I thought not knowing things would be better. What can I do now? I can't change any of it. I'm dead, what has the rest of it to do with me? ( His tone is even, careful. He's not laying any of the blame at Itadori's feet. It's mostly an explanation. ) But it finds me eventually, doesn't it? And knowing I have no place in it doesn't make it hurt any less. Because I should have a place in it.
( He should have been there. He should have stayed. Not because his feelings have changed, but because he had friends. He had loved ones. He has done nothing to protect him. )
I don't know what I would ask, Itadori-kun.
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[ Yuji closes his eyes, forcing himself to breathe in and out before he manages to find some kind of strength inside himself, to push the pieces together. He hadn't been able to do anything to protect the people he loves, and that kills him. ]
I can describe it to you. The fight.
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All right. Will it help to keep walking while you do?
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[ Yuji finishes his soda, downing it quickly before he finds a bin to throw it into, sighing softly. ]
Do you know about the prison realm stuff?
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( Maybe at all, or maybe to Geto specifically. He's unsure of that. )
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[ Yuji worries his lower lip. ]
By that point I'd messed up and lost Sukuna.
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It sounds like you were fighting hard, Itadori-kun. And no one expects Satoru to be taken off the battleground. You were left wrongfooted. What happened after that?
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[ Glancing up at Geto, he looks suddenly shy - or is it sheepish? ]
Two death anniversaries would be confusing. So we had about a month to train.
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I'm going to kick him.
( Bitter, and maybe exasperated, definitely a little helpless though. ) He should have taken more time, more care, he knew what he was leaving behind.
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He's never felt that before, obviously, orphan as he is, but he thinks this might be how it felt. ]
Maybe. But we were strong enough, so... We trained. And Okkotsu-senpai went to fight Kenjaku and Gojo-sensei went to fight Sukuna. [ A breath. ] In Megumi's body. Not mine.
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Fushiguro Megumi?
( He'd met the boy once, though both Itadori and Gojo have mentioned him. That makes Geto even more disquiet somehow. How many times will there be bodies his friend cared for used against him? He raised the boy, didn't he? He might act callous, but he knows he isn't.
... Was that how Kenjaku caught him too? Could it have been something other than rage that stilled Gojo? No. )
Did you see the fight?
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[ He feels - stupid, every time he thinks about it. It makes him miserable, no matter how much other people have forgiven him, even though Megumi himself has forgiven him. It makes him want to rip his own hair out. ]
We all watched it. I think Gojo-sensei liked it, knowing we were cheering him on.
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RACHEL I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT ATTROCIOUS LAST REPLY WHY DID I REPEAT 'A WAY' SO MANY TIMES
DOES IT HELP THAT I DIDNT NOTICE
MAYBE
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